But before I could ask any of them, Elias’s eyes filled with tears.
“What?” I asked softly, heart pounding. “Is there?—?”
“I think they’re moving,” he whispered, staring down at my belly.
My breath caught in my throat. I tried to remember anything from my mother’s last pregnancy. She used to tell me when one of the girls kicked; Maisie had been a busy little girl and so had Ginny. Both moved constantly, and I remembered Kerry complaining about it several times throughout each pregnancy. I couldn’t remember much from her pregnancy with Eloise, but what I did remember was about her kicking later.
I had to be somewhere in my second trimester. Disappointment and excitement both battled it out within me, and I couldn’t really fall into either of them.
As if sensing the war happening inside of me, Elias met my stare. He didn’t have to say anything. The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
Whatever I chose, he would be by my side.
It was just becoming harder to know what was best for not just me—but for us all.
69
Ivy
Istared at myself for a long moment in the full-length mirror, the steam of the shower covering my face as I took in my body.
It looked like my own, but not. I was still fat, still had the same thick thighs that usually brought me more pain than relief, the same stretch marks around my upper arms that once made me insecure. My boobs didn’t really feel the same anymore, though. They looked a little fuller, though I couldn’t tell if it was because of the changes happening inside of my body or because I finally had good food again.
And then there was my stomach. I pressed my hand against the upper part of my belly, which felt firmer somehow, not nearly as soft as it once was. It was the only real sign that there was a change happening, the reality of my life finally coming into focus.
Part of me wanted to cry now that I was alone, but I also held the tears back. I’d already cried enough over this. And although I knew I could keep breaking down, that no one would blame me, I didn’t have a choice anymore. Today solidified that.
I released a shaky breath, but something dark appeared in my periphery. My skin prickled, a shiver rolling down my spine as I turned to find Hawk standingbehind me.
“You’re awake,” I breathed, heart thundering.
The male cocked his head, brows furrowed. “I am now.”
I should have gone for a towel or a change of clothes, but he didn’t give me a chance. Hawk’s eyes darkened as he closed the distance between us, one hand going to the back of my head while the other held me against him. I sucked in a deep breath, and yet I didn’t stop him.
Hawk lowered his face. “You’re okay,” he murmured, resting his forehead against mine. “Safe.”
I pressed my hands against his chest, over the racing beat of his heart. “I am,” I replied, trying to ignore the strange feeling swelling within me. I was so used to my magic pushing me towards him, that I didn’t completely understand my own emotions anymore.
I shuddered, eyes closing. Clenching my teeth, I couldn’t make myself do anything. A small part of me wanted to sink into him, especially with how right it felt being held by him. But the other part of me, the part that still remembered the heartache, that felt the betrayal from him at every turn, wanted to push him away.
Goddess above, this was a mess.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, taking me by surprise. “You have no idea?—”
Someone cleared their throat, probably the best save in history. Hawk pulled back first, giving me a chance to breathe.
“Everything okay in here?” Rowan asked, trying to keep his voice light. But there was tension in his words, uncertainty.
Hawk didn’t respond. There was only a brief flicker of recognition, like he sort of knew Rowan.
Swallowing hard, I pulled myself out of Hawk’s embrace and grabbed my towel. “Yeah, everything is fine,” I said, pressing my lips together. “What are you doing up here?”
Rowan’s eyes flashed with an emotion I couldn’t read. “I was coming to let you know dinner is ready. Didn’t think I’d find him in here.”
I spared Hawk a glance before wrapping the towel around myself and moving to the door. It wasn’t like I was the onewho put walls up between us. Rowan had, and now he wanted to act surprised?
I missed my bonds, because then at least I would have understood his emotions and thoughts better. But without them, there was an ever-growing chasm between us, and I had a feeling Rowan would only let it grow until he found a solution to the collar.
