Elias pulled back sharply, his eyes wide, lips swollen. “What’s wrong?” he asked, removing his hands and putting some distance between us. “Are you hurt?”
“Nothing, I’m not hurt,” I murmured, one hand moving to my stomach. I waited to feel it again, but it didn’t happen. I couldn’t tell if I felt disappointed or…relieved.
“It’s nothing.” Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the tree and breathed in deeply. Other than Elias, I could smell rain heavy on the wind, the damp earth beneath my feet, and the wet leaves hanging around us.
It was both comforting and somewhat strange. My sense of smell was nowhere near as good as it used to be, but it was still stronger than what was humanly possible.
Elias moved his hands to my cheeks, the movement forcing my eyes open. “Don’t hide from me,” he whispered, eyes burning with fear. “Not from any of us.”
A lump formed in my throat, one I struggled to swallow around. “I don’t recognise the things happening inside me,” I said quietly, tears burning my eyes. “We don’t know anything about this. If there was damage done by Dante, if either of them are healthy…” And what if something happened to them because ofme? I was human again, not magical. My body healed the same way it had before my magic came in, which could mean danger for the twins if Dantedidhurt me.
“Ivy.” Elias brushed his thumb beneath my eye, wiping away a tear I hadn’t realised had escaped. “It’s okay. I’ll have Rhadamanthus send for a demon midwife if we need to. Move one in to keep an eye on you and the twins. Whatever you need to feel safe.”
I closed my eyes tightly against the threat of tears and let out a shaky breath. “I don’t want a stranger, I just need you guys,” I said, pulling out of his hold. “But I’m so, so scared. What if the collar is hurting them? What if they don’t have any power right now, too? And if something happens to me, will that affectthem?” I opened my eyes and let the tears fall as Elias’s gaze softened. “It was already hard enough thinking about being Queen and knowing everything I did would influence other people’s lives, Elias. But now…now there are these babies involved, and they’re stuck in the middle of a war I can’t fight.”
For a long moment, Elias didn’t respond. It was becoming one of my biggest fears. It was one thing having the weight of all the realms on my shoulders, knowing their futures were in my hands. There would always be someone to protect them, even if I couldn’t. There would be another Daughter of Nyx, a future Queen. If something happened to me, there was a council, my mates, and dozens of creatures who could lead them better than I ever could.
But there was only onemefor these babies. I had no idea how other women did it, because I both felt entirely selfish and ill-prepared.
There was a part of me that wondered if I should have denied the potion, kept the pregnancy going until I could give birth at the last minute so that when we went to war, they would no longer be a part of me. That by slowing it back down, I was wrong, and it gave them no chance of survival.
“I might not be able to read your thoughts anymore, Ivy, but I can still tell when you’re spiralling,” Elias stated, his voice firm enough to pull me out of my thoughts. “What are you thinking about? Are you worried about the birth? Or are you thinking about…”
Just like he could tell when I was spiralling, based on the look in his eyes, I could almost hear the words he didn’t want to say. “I don’t want tonothave them,” I whispered honestly. “I told myself for years that I might never have kids. And that it would be okay. Maybe if the right person showed up, I would do it. Marriage, babies, the whole thing. But I didn’t think I would ever find anyone for me.”
Part of it was insecurities born of my relationship with my mother. Her words used to haunt me when I tried to go on dates. They followed me through two previous short-lived relationships and were the reasons why I couldn’t commit to anyone.
But I had the right person—people—now. I had several fated mates who were better support than anyone I could havedreamed of. They were the only reason I knew I could do this. If we won and Dante was gone, I knew I’d be able to survive anything—withthem.
“I know your position on them, and Adrian’s too, I think.” I shook my head tiredly and scrubbed a hand down my face in frustration. “You know, I never got a chance to ask Maeve or Rowan about what they wanted. Ry and I used to avoid that kind of thing when we were kids. And now there’s Hawk and Xerxes and Thor and…” I almost said Damon, but tried to shake him from my mind. “This just puts a massive wall between all of us, and I don’t know what to do.”
Elias dropped a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “Maeve and Rowan want what’s best for you. I can’t speak for the others, but I’d say they want the same, too.”
“But are we ready for twomorekids? The others don’t even know about my sisters. Goddess above, what about them? How are they going to handle such a huge thing? There isn’t going to be any time to get them used to all these changes.” I tried to cover my face with my hands, chest suddenly tight from overwhelm and panic, but Elias caught my wrists in his hands and tugged my hands into his chest.
“Lean on me. On all of us,” he said, eyes on mine. “We’re going to make this work. If you want to carry this all the way through, then you have our support. If you decide this isn’t something you’re ready for, then we’ll have your back. You wouldn’t be the first person to decide that, Ivy. Not in this world, either. But don’t do anything because you aren’t sure about us.”
My breaths came harshly as I stared up at him. It was so, so hard fighting against everything I believed. I’d watched my mother have three children with a man who looked perfect on paper. He’d been a great dad—a good step-father—and then he cheated with his secretary and left us all.
I knew my own mates would never. I knew they were with me no matter what.
But was I worried about them, or me?
The walkback into the manor was quiet. Comfortable, even. The weight of the last few days still hung over me, but it felt lighter now that Elias and I finally talked.
Elias guided me up the stairs slowly as I clung tightly to his hand. “How about a shower?” he suggested, voice low—gentle. “Then we can have a nap and recharge for a few hours.”
I sighed, closing my eyes. “I’d like that,” I replied, smiling when his hand tightened around mine.
My belly twisted again, this time like a fluttery excitement. I opened my eyes, sucking in a sharp breath as I pressed the fingers of my free hand against my stomach.
Elias came to a stop. “What’s wrong?”
I blinked hard, staring down at my hand. “I don’t know,” I replied, the fluttery feeling not disappearing. “I felt it earlier, but I just thought…” I stopped. I’d felt it a couple of times since the explosion of growth from Dante’s spell, but I’d chalked it up to the spell, not anything else. But we’d stopped it, and now the twins were meant to be gestating normally.
So, if it wasn’t the spell at work, then what was it?
Elias pulled us to a stop before covering my hand with his own. I tore my eyes from my stomach to read his face, a slew of questions already at the tip of my tongue.
