But it’s too late to change course now.
Chapter32
GIANNA
I driftedoff to sleep after he came to me, the sweet, slow way he made love to me seamlessly becoming a part of my dreams.Maybe it was all just a dream.And in a dream, I’m allowed to feel all the pleasure he has to give me.In a dream, I can still be in love with him.Because it’s just a dream and not real and never will be.I’m not betraying anyone when I dream.
That dream fades as soon as I hear him calling my name, while shaking my shoulder gently.No sweet kisses to wake me with this time.Maybe those were just a dream too.
“Get ready, we have to go,” he says as I open my eyes.
He’s wearing a black suit over a black shirt, similar to the kind of outfits he used to wear when he was still my bodyguard.I guess he was the one in mourning then.At least we’ll match now.
“Where are we going?”I ask, making sure the duvet covers my nakedness as I sit up.I can still feel his soft kisses and caresses from last night, still feel the faint echoes of the orgasms he gave me, which become stronger when I focus on them.So, no, that couldn’t have been a dream.
But there’s no light about him now, no sun shining through his darkness.
“You won’t like it, but it must be done,” he says.“I’ll come and get you in half an hour.Be ready.”
Then he strides out of the room, slamming the door and locking it.
I’m shivering as I walk to the bathroom.Not because the room is cold, it’s not, but because the sweetness of the dream he woke me from and the cold way he ordered me to get ready are creating a draft all around me, a vortex, a black hole.
I make the water as hot as I can stand it, but it doesn’t chase away the cold.
You won’t like it, but it must be done.
Those words of his echo in my mind, bringing more icy wind.
I dress in the black clothes I’ve been wearing since I got here.They’re not clean anymore, but I don’t care.I’m not wearing anything but black until I’m free of him.
He says nothing as he arrives to collect me, just holds the door open so I can leave the room.I remember the hours I’d spent plotting my escape from the room.It was just a few days ago, but it feels like years now that I know I’m no good out there.That I have no one to turn to.Just my mom’s voice on the voicemail of her phone and creeps wanting to hurt me.
“Where are you taking me?”I ask as we descend to the lobby.His heavy footsteps are making the wooden stairs shake and groan, mine are quieter than a whisper.
“We need you to do something,” he says, glancing at me over his shoulder.“You and your sister.”
We’ve reached the first floor, and I can see the top of Chiara’s head.She’s standing in the lobby, wearing yet another gown that looks much too big on her with all the layers of material it’s made of.It’s emerald green like her eyes, adorned with pretty pink flowers that look like they were hand drawn onto the fabric.She hates dresses like these.I remember how she’d always rant and rave whenever Mom would make her wear something feminine like this to church, or some important party.I bet she ranted and raved at her new husband too before he forced her to put it on.I don’t like the fact that he can force her to do anything.But if I think too hard about that, I’ll lose what’s left of my mind.
“How are you, Chiara?”I ask as I clear the last step and rush to her, ignoring all the grim-faced men crowded in the lobby, especially her tall, dark husband.
“I’m dressed up like a woman from the fifties,” she scoffs.“How do you think I feel?”
Then she laughs and I laugh, and it feels so good.Just like old times.Better even, because this laugh is sweeter, coming so spontaneously after days of darkness that feel like years.
“Enough of that,” her husband says.“You can chat in the car.”
He takes her arm and drags her towards the front door, and I trail behind them, taking her other arm as soon as we clear the front door.
They put us in the back seat of a town car.A short, stocky man takes the wheel, and Ferro gets in the passenger side.The edge of a tire iron, large, black and sharp is sticking up between his long legs.
I feel Matteo’s burning gaze on me the whole way, even when I’m ensconced in the soft leather seats, with the doors and tinted windows firmly shutting him and the rest of the world out.Now his warmth finally returns.I needed some of that this morning.
But I don’t need it anymore, because now I have my sister and that’s the kind of pleasure he can never give me.
The man behind the wheel starts the engine and then we’re riding.Down the long driveway bordered by greenery, the ocean shimmering here and there through gaps in the leaves and trees the garden is overgrown with.
I’m holding Chiara’s hand and she’s squeezing mine right back, which is the only sign that she’s as nervous as I am about this trip.Because otherwise, her face is relaxed, a slight grin on her lips which turns into a sneer each time Ferro glances at her in the rearview mirror.
