He’s so much like his brother that I don’t know if Nash has ever let himself have friends before now. He was always so concerned with taking care of Sadie and being responsible that he’s never given himself permission to be a normal kid. James doesn’t see that he’s giving them that now and it’s a beautiful thing.
When Nash finishes, I make sure he knows how excited for him I am, then tell Sadie, “I hear you started your new art program. James said you really like it. He’s always talking about how cool your art is.”
“Really?” She’s looking at me with big, happy brown eyes that make me feel awfully damn mushy inside. These kids are fucking great. I’m so glad they have James.
“Yep. He talks about both of you all the time.”
“You should show him your art book.” Nash nudges his sister.
“I’ll be right back!” Sadie says, then runs toward the hallway where I figure her room is.
By the time she’s back, James is done ordering the food, and the four of us sit around the table, looking through Sadie’s book.
“You do a lot of people and animals. I draw buildings,” I say.
“You draw?”
“In a different way. I’m going to school to be an architect.” The second the words pass my lips, I wonder if I said the wrong thing. My gaze shoots to James, who’s watching me, his expression unreadable for a moment, before he gives a small shrug just for me. There’s no going back now, but just because they know I am going to school doesn’t mean they know James is my professor.
“Aren’t you too old for college?” Sadie asks.
I bark out a laugh.
She blushes. “I’m sorry!”
“No, it’s fine. I didn’t have the money to go right after high school. Plus, I don’t think I was ready. Some people are right away, but I wasn’t. So I saved up, and now here I am.”
“I want to go to art school,” Sadie shares.
“I think that’s a good choice,” James tells her. “What about you?” he asks Nash, who shrugs.
“I don’t know what I want,” Nash answers, and I’m glad he at least did that.
“You have time to figure it out.” James smiles, and Nash looks at him, still so unsure if he can trust James, but ultimately nods.
The intercom buzzes, interrupting our chat, and James lets the delivery man up while I go into the kitchen. “Do you guys have paper plates?”
“In the pantry over there.” Nash nods toward a door, andI retrieve the plates.
James returns with the two pizzas and sets them on the table while Nash and Sadie ask about drinks and get everyone a soda from the fridge, except for James, who says he wants water.
It’s weird, moving through space like a unit with him and his family. This isn’t something I’ve had with a lover, especially not when kids are involved. If I’ve ever fucked someone with kids before, I didn’t know they had them, and I certainly wasn’t sharing meals with them.
We end up at the table again together, eating, talking, laughing. This doesn’t feel like the meals James has told me he usually shares with them, though his relationship with Sadie has already been evolving. There’s a liveliness in James tonight I don’t often see, maybe ever, and it’s hard not to just watch him, not to try and soak it all in.
He laughs at something Sadie says, pure joy on his face, the sound so crisp and real that it nearly steals my breath. This man is so fucking beautiful, so fuckingmine. I don’t ever want to let him go.
I want more, yes, but maybe I want it all.
“Colton?” Nash says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“We’re talking about his games,” James fills in for me. “He should get his schedule tomorrow after practice.”
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Nash says, “but since you helped and—”
“I want,” I answer. I really fucking want to go. But what if James doesn’t want me to? What if someone sees us there together? This is already turning into such a goddamned mess. “I’ll have to check my work schedule, but I’ll do my best to go.”
Letting Nash down isn’t an option, but risking James isn’t either.
