“I doubt that.”
He smacks my thigh. “Are you calling me a liar?”
“No.” But I guess I kinda am. “It’s hard for me…to see myself that way.”
“As something good? You are, James. You’re good for me, you’re good for your students, and you’re damn sure good for those kids.”
I hope so…I want to be. I nuzzle in closer. “Tell me more about your family,” I ask, but he doesn’t reply right away, doesn’t say a word. I consider all the things I could have done wrong. Am I not supposed to want to know about him? Not supposed to ask and just wait until he offers? I push away slightly so I can look at him. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No. You just never ask about me. It’s nice.”
Guilt body-slams my heart. Do I really not ask about him? I rack my brain, thinking about the things he’s told me, and he’s right—each and every time he’s offered me information about himself, about Hannah, but I’ve never asked. What the fuck is wrong with me? “I’m sorry. I’m not good at this…but I’m trying.” I want to be better. I’m determined to bebetter.
“You’re doing fine, James.” He pulls me back down close to him. “It’s mostly been just me, my mom, and Dakota—he’s my younger brother. My dad left us when we were young.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. That had to be tough.”
“It was, but we made it. I was lucky to have them. My mom…she’s great. You’ll like her,” he says as if I’ll ever meet her. Does he want me to meet her? Do I want to? But how can I?Hi, I’m your son’s teacher, he’s fucking me, oh, and I happen to be twelve years older than him. Great to make your acquaintance.“So even though we didn’t have him, she made up for it. I know how lucky I am to have the mom I do.” He kisses the top of my head, as if to say,I’m sorry you didn’t have a mom like her.
“What’s she like? And your brother? Are you all still close?”
I ask all the questions I’ve never asked him before, and Colton answers them. He tells me about school too and his desire to be an architect. How he’s always loved buildings and the thought of designing them. How he loves working on cars too, especially with Hannah, but it’s not his dream.
“What?” he asks.
“What, what?”
“You made a sound when I said Hannah.” He pulls back and looks at me. “You don’t like her?”
Well, shit. Now I’m embarrassed. I have a feeling my face is as red as my ass. “She’s great. I’m just… You love her.”
He frowns, then smiles, clearly pleased about something. “You’re jealous?”
“What? No!” But I am. He’s ruining me.
He rolls over on top of me, pressing me to my back. “I like that you’re jealous.” He kisses me. “But you have noreason to be. I love Hannah, but I’m not in love with her. We thought that for a while when we were younger and I lost my virginity with her, but it wasn’t right. She’s a sister to me and a lesbian.”
I laugh. That does change things.
“I should go,” I say when we settle down. I don’t want to, but I need to. “The kids.”
“That’s fine. I get it. Can I see you next Friday too?”
I don’t even have to talk myself into it this time. I know this is a mistake. I know it will probably come back to bite me in the ass. I know what’s at stake, but I’ve never wanted anything the way I want this. “Yes.”
He grins, and this time, it’s me pushing forward and kissing his smile.
We take a quick shower together, cleaning up, then getting dressed. I bag the bedding to take it to the apartment, not having the time to clean it here. I take the leftover spaghetti and salad from the fridge, and then we walk out to the car together.
“This is for you.” He hands me a small bag.
“What is it?”
“The surprise I promised you. It’s nothing big, but I thought it was cute.”
I grin, giddier than I should be as I open the bag and see… “A Speedo?”
“Yes. But you’re only allowed to wear it when you swim with me,” he teases.
