“Why did I like it?” I sit beside him. “Because it’s another way for me to be in control, which we both know I like. And because it’s what I thought was best for you, and giving a sub what they need always fulfills something inside me. I get off on being dominant, both physically and mentally, in whatever form it comes, and by taking care of a sub.”
“It helped,” he admits. “I think it would help me right now…with everything else going on. It would only be temporary. That’s not who I am. The sex thing is different.”
I nod, though I’m not sure he’s right. That doesn’t really matter in this moment anyway. “Thank you for being honest. You should be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself this way.” It kills me to set the next words free. I want to lock them up and throw away the key. I want to be the one who has control over James. I want him to be mine, even if it’s temporary. “I’ll see what I can do. I have a friend who wouldbe good with this, and I think the two of you would be well suited.”
His head whips in my direction, eyes fiery. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“A Dom…for you. Isn’t that what we just decided on?”
He shoves to his feet, and this time, I don’t argue with him. It’s clear he’s not happy with me. “Fuck you, Colton. If you didn’t want to do it, why are you here? I don’t need you to find a Dom for me. I don’t need you at all.”
He turns to walk away, but I stand, grabbing his wrist and keeping him close. If he really wanted to get away, he could. The fact that he doesn’t try tells me everything I need to know. “I want you. I’ve been craving you formonths. But I also want what’s best for you. What was one of the first things you said to me when I arrived today?”
He’s breathing heavily, warm, minty breath against my face. James licks his lips, and it takes everything inside me not to lean in and taste them. It’s been too long since I’ve had the chance, but I don’t allow myself to.
“What was it?” I ask again, wanting him to be the one to say the words.
“That it’s not your career on the line.”
“Exactly. What kind of man would I be to put you at risk like that? What kind of Dom would I be? I get that I’ve given some mixed signals, but that was me being selfish because Idowant you so much. Ultimately, though, I need to do what’s right for you.”
His breathing slows, almost a dreamy look in his gaze that’s so fucking different from the anger in his expression just moments ago. Because he hasn’t had anyone in his life think about him that way? No one who does what’s right for him?
“I won’t do it with anyone else. I don’t… I can’t trust some random person that way. This was a bad idea.” This time, he does pull his wrist from my hold. “Thank you, Mr. Hathaway, but I think it’s better if we just forget this conversation happened.”
James gives me his back, takes one step, then two, then three. My brain tells me to let him go. He’s my professor, and I’m his student.Only for one semester. Would anyone really find out? You want him. He wants you. You’re only trying to help.
“You were the one who was so adamant we can’t do this,” I argue.
“This is different. It’s not sex. And I know it’s a bad idea. I’m trying to talk myself out of it, but…” He sighs like he’s not sure how to get this part out, like he’s not sure if he wants to. “I trust you. I don’t understand why, but I do. And I like the way you make me feel. There hasn’t been much in my life to make me feel good, especially lately. It’s not easy for me to admit that. I already regret it.”
“I’m glad you admitted it.” I find myself smiling. I like this man more than I should.
“Of course you are.” He shifts his position as if he can’t stay still. “Is that all? I really need to get home and check on the kids.”
None of this is expected. I feel like nothing about him ever is, and I find that incredibly fucking exciting. I pull out my cell phone. “What’s your number?”
I’m surprised when James easily rattles it off to me. I type it into my phone, then send him a quick text so he has mine as well.
“Is that a yes?” he asks.
“It is. I’ll text you in a little while, and we’ll talk more. And thank you.”
He frowns. “What are you thanking me for?”
“Trusting me. I won’t let you get in trouble. I promise.”
He sighs, his gaze holding mine. “Don’t make promisesyou can’t keep, Mr. Hathaway.”
“Sir,” I remind him, and damned if he doesn’t smile.
“Sir.”
And this time when he walks away, I let him go…smiling the whole time too.
CHAPTER TEN
James
