The dark, quiet room with only a single flame between them created an intimate atmosphere. The planes of Philip’s face were made harsh by the dim light, but she heard the emotion in his simple answer.
Wishing she could help, she stepped near enough to reach for his hand and hold it between her gloved ones. “You are doing an amazing job from my perspective. These are not easy waters to navigate.”
He smiled even as emotion swirled in his eyes. “Thank you for saying so. That is reassuring.”
“Sometimes we need to hear that everything is going to be all right. I suppose I’m trying to tell you that.” It was ridiculous to think he needed reassurance, let alone from her, so a bit of levity was needed. “Besides, I need only compare what you’re doing with the little Winston does to see a remarkable difference,” she said dryly.
Philip chuckled like she’d meant him to. “Forgive me for speaking ill of your brother and my best friend, but he lacks a certain motivation when it comes to managing his inheritance.”
“It’s true. I haven’t completely given up on him yet, but there are times when it’s tempting.” She sobered as she looked into his eyes. “You’re a good man, Philip. You always have been.”
He scoffed, though it was followed by another smile. “You are far too kind.”
“Actually, I’m quite serious.” At his obvious doubt, she shook her head. “Truly. I was forever following you and Winston around and listening to your conversations when possible. Never once did you speak harshly to me. I know I already told you this, but when mother and father died, you offered me comfort and hope. That was a gift beyond measure. One I treasure to this day.”
Though she longed to tell him what was in her heart, it was too great of a risk. She feared doing so would allow him to see that the same old Eliza was beneath the trappings. That she really was unlovable as nearly everyone she encountered seemed to eventually discover.
She had always done her best to be friendly and helpful and the best person she could be, but experience had taught her that doing so wasn't enough. Time and again she’d been rejected by her mother, her father, her brother, and all the numerous relatives she’d stayed with over the years. Not to mention her fellow students at finishing school.
She didn't know if she could overcome the fear of being unwanted. But she knew beyond a doubt that if she offered her heart to Philip and he rejected it, she wouldn’t recover. She was in too deep.
Her only hope was to try to help him see there was more to her than everyone else saw even if she worried there wasn’t. That would take time. Would she have enough of that precious commodity to convince him? How strange it was that she was confident she could do just that until an opportunity like this arose.
“Eliza.” He adjusted his hand to take hers. “You are a very special person.” With his free hand he gently rubbed the pad of his thumb along her cheek, the sensation causing her mouth to go dry. “Thank you for seeing me as no one else does. It helps to think that I might be doing a better job than I realize. As you know, I have big steps to follow as my father and brother were exceptional men. I used to go out of my way to be different so I wouldn't be compared to them when I would so clearly fall short.”
He dropped the hand that touched her cheek. “Such as this very moment,” he continued. “I'm not supposed to do things like dragging young ladies into dark and deserted rooms and placing their reputations in jeopardy. Yet here we are.”
“Your need for a moment to collect your thoughts does not mean you are failing in any way.”
“You are determined to see me as a better man than I truly am.” His eyes narrowed. “What if I were to tell you that right now all I can think about is kissing you?”
Her breath caught as her heart pounded. “I would tell you that there is no harm in a kiss. Especially when it is something webothwant.”
With a muttered oath he grasped her upper arms and pulled her against him. He took her mouth with a passion Eliza hadn't been prepared for but welcomed all the same.
She looped her arms around his neck, reveling in his desire. To think it was forherwas an intoxicating feeling.
He deepened the kiss, his tongue pressing against the seam of her lips until she granted him entrance. Her knees weakened as her passion rose further when his tongue swept against hers. She cupped her hand over his cheek and leaned into him.
Her entire body tingled with need even as certain unmentionable parts of her ached.
His hands shifted to her waist and squeezed before lowering to cradle her hips. To her surprise, she could feel his manhood pressing against her as if stiff and ready for what might happen next.
She had read about such things in one of the more erotic romantic novels that she’d enjoyed, but experiencing it was a completely different matter. The liquid heat that pulsed in her very center shocked her. To think that she was capable of such desire was enlightening.
Philip broke the kiss to press his lips along her jawline and on her neck. She tilted her head back, enjoying the sensation and wondering if a person could faint from passion.
To think a kiss could lead to so much more was astonishing. The fact that she was willing to venture down the path of “more” to see where it led was another shock. How wanton of her.
The realization made her heartbeat quicken in response.
His hand on her hip shifted upward, and her breast tightened. Yes, she thought—or had she said it out loud? She dearly hoped not.
When his hand cupped her breast, she thought she might collapse with pleasure. He kneaded it, which only made her ache for more.
“Philip,” she whispered, not sure how to ask or if she dared to.
“Yes,” he murmured between the kisses he fanned over her skin.
