Her lips twist. “I’m not so pretty now, am I?” Expression chilly as an iceberg, she shrugs. The blade keeps spinning, nicking and slicing her fingertips, but she doesn’t seem to notice or care.
“You’re always beautiful to me, but you’re very closed off right now. I guess I equate that with things that make me scared. I’m not as secure as I make out.” I give her a half-hearted smile, knowing that switch in behavior, that arctic chill from warmth, is a trigger point from our other mates.
Wilde would switch from gentleman to ghoul so quickly, without warning, and you did not understand what you were going into every time by the end. Pain or pleasure—you couldn’t predict. She’s scaring the living fuck out of me, given that and her own inability to give me a solid foundation for trusting our relationship.
“I don’t think anyone is as composed as they make out.” She keeps flipping, not paying any heed to my words. “I know that I’m not.”
Tucking further into a ball against the headboard, I watch her, my chin sitting on my knees as I try not to panic and to prepare myself for something painful. “I’m feeling unhinged inside at the thought of losing you.”
“I’m aware of the feeling.”
“You’re not losing me.” I don’t know if I can get any smaller, but I wish I could. I need to be somewhere safe, and all of this is open and exposed. Her blasé responses aren’t helping, and I don’t know what to do. I’m getting close to coming unglued.
“I will.” She turns her head, eyes dead and expression matter of fact. “I’ve worked this scenario a time or a thousand times. Sari’ll get to you, you’ll get back with her, and I won’t be able to handle it. Maybe I’ll kill her and lose you that way.”
Damn it! I’m so close to discarding the exes in my heart and mind, and Rafe might be, too.
We can’t tell them that unless it’s true. There’s still some remaining, lingering loyalty I’m trying to work out, and if I can, this will be so much easier. We’re not there yet, and I don’t know what I can do to help her.
“If you don’t leave and you don’t ask me to, you won’t lose me. I don’t even know if asking me would work because I feel like that would be a battle that might destroy me because I wouldn’t accept it. You will only lose me if you choose to, Talia. That is a promise.” I sigh, hoping I ease her worry. “She and I were never like us; we were more friends than anything. It was never sexual except for the two times.”
Talia blinks and shakes her head. “You, Rafe, her, and some idiocy about Wilde. She’s setting the stage for her triumphant return.”
“No, it’s not!” I pop out of bed, getting angry. “We love you and Taurus. We’re not going anywhere!”
She doesn’t respond, and that clicks a button inside of me. The tidal wave floods the dam, and I feel it all spilling out ofme. I yank Precious out of the wall, striding over to her in an infuriated haze.
“Just because she’s prowling around, plotting some garbage, doesn’t mean we’re going to give up the people we love. We’re willing to die for our family.”
“She always wins.”
Coming closer to her, I spin the large blade on my palm, not even realizing that I’m doing it, and point it at my heart. “You want to cut my heart out by saying that? Do you want to kill me by leaving? Do it the honest way. I’m tired of the games.”
I push the tip in slightly, not even wincing at the pain of it slicing into me. Blood drips down my hand and down my chest as it slides in, and she gasps. I’m watching her, waiting as she springs up and bounds over, ripping Precious out of my hand.
“Oh, God. What are you doing? No, no, no, no...”
My eyes close as I feel woozier than I should from the shallow depth that I pushed it in. She presses her forehead against mine, hand covering the wound.
Hopefully, it’ll close soon, and I can focus on this conversation we need to have again.
“No, baby, no,” she murmurs, wrapping her other arm around me. “Don’t do that. We love you.”
Exhaling, I whisper, “I didn’t know any other way to get you to listen. I had to make you believe me.”
Talia kisses me, and I feel her love and fear for me in the kiss. I try to kiss her back, but I’m growing concerned that I’m not zipped right up and feeling fine.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t want this,” she says, tears welling in her eyes.
I have made a grievous error, and I don’t know how to admit it. “I can’t be without you, love.”
She backs me towards the bed, kissing me again, not noticing that the wound is still spilling over her hands. I let her, hoping again that I’m just delayed a bit since I’m upset emotionally and that affects my healing ability.
“I saw you in my head, leaving, destroying me.”
Welcome to my world, Talia.I see it every day in every moment like this where I wonder if today is the day that, like everyone else, you don’t choose me.
I live with that, without asking for anything more than the love you’re giving me at that moment. “I know. I’ve been there.” I cough, realizing I have to tell her. “I have to ask you something. Was Precious consecrated by any chance?”
