Tossing his drink back, he surges off the bed and goes to the bar, slamming the glass down. He pours another, deeper than the last, and I feel the waves of pain radiating from him.
I feel for him, but I also know that his strain is not comparable, no matter what he thinks.
Besides, I’m feeling mighty resentful that she had to force him to speak to me.I pick up my empty glass to refill it. “What do you want? What did my wife say to push you to come up here?”
“The goddess is not very subtle in her messages.” He takes a slug of the scotch and walks over to the bed, but stays standing. Theagitation is coming off him in waves, and he growls, “This was one of those times.”
“And?” I lean back against the bar, trying to look casual as I watch him pace.
He reaches the balcony and steps out into the night, looking at the scenery as I did. “She said you aren’t like the others. You’re not out for a conquest. She told me I could trust that you want me for me.” His voice drops, and he shrugs. “Only two other people have ever only wanted me for me—Talia and my minx.”
My brows furrow and I listen, surprised to be seeing this much vulnerability from someone who admits that he doesn’t think he can ever love me.
Why is he showing me so much of his underbelly?
“Talia said that if I loved her and my minx for that reason alone—which isn’t all of it by any stretch—and there was someone else that wanted me for me, it would make sense if I loved them. It wouldn’t matter who they were, convention-wise. She thinks I’m too blinded by my pain and hatred of what they have done to me to see that I already love you. That’s what she bloody told me.”
I’m speechless, and words aren’t even forming in my head, much less in my mouth. I take a deep breath and clear out the shock. “She’s right about the conquest part. I could give a fig about bedpost notches. I could have them; I don’t want them. I choose people for who they are, and I don’t even choose people that often.”
He gives me a sardonic grin, his eyes dark in the moonlight. “Aren’t you sodding glad you asked?” With that, he turns his back on me, stepping towards the balcony again.
“Actually, I am,” I breathe. I amble, approaching to lay a hand on his shoulder. “I think we’re both more scared than we like to admit and not trusting as much as we should.”
“It’s a common ailment with me and mine if you hadn’t noticed.”
“I didn't know it extended to you as much as it does.” I move closer again, standing about a hair’s breadth from touching him. “Maybe it’s time to let the defenses down?”
This is probably a fucking horrible plan, but I’m so tired and raw inside.
“You just agreed that we’re fucked either way. You said it didn’t matter because you’ve already chosen to be with only her. What the fuck am I supposed to believe?”
I don’t have a snappy retort for that, but he is the one who had to get sent up here to talk to me.
Swallowing hard, I wait for him to continue. That’s all I can do.
“You’re off your bird if you think the only reason that I came up here was because the goddess got a cord up her ass about making things right for her family. The bottom line is that if I didn’t want you in my life or my bed, she could have shouted until the sky fell in and I’d be down with my wife and child.”
I blink again, finding his constant flow of candor hard to keep up with.
Is this what he does to the cat? Jesus, no wonder she emotes like an open faucet now.
“Hearing you give up fucked me up a little, and not in a good way.”
Feeling guilty, I look away and whisper, “I thought maybe you came because she... I assumed you couldn’t give what I could, and I could accept that. When you said that we might have to stop, it hit me that if I got started, got used to having you, that it would tear me apart inside to do it. Make no mistake, I’d do it, but it would tear me up inside. That’s where I was coming from when I said that. I was putting up the walls.”
“I don’t know, mate. Is it too hard? Maybe we shouldn’t. We’re all so damaged: you, me, the minx, and my goddess. It’s a wonder we found each other at all.”
He has to make a decision and stick with it; I’ll try one more time, and if that back fires, I’m out of here.
“Is it worth having if you don’t have to work? Does it mean as much? Maybe we’re already deep enough in that?—”
Taurus looks over his shoulder, spearing me with his eyes. “For the record, she said that I already loved you, but I’m too wounded to accept it. I’m not her; I should set that straight now.”
I try not to wince at his blunt statement. “I didn’t say that you did, or that you were like anyone else. I felt that ‘Rhea and her mate’ comparison in your head.”
“Though I’ve not known her to be incorrect about something like this in the past.” He looks shocked that I sensed his internal snark, but doesn’t derivate from his train of thought.
I stalk back to the bar and throw back the rest of my drink, then pour another. This is going in circles and I willhaveto leave at some point before he truly breaks me. I just haven’t hit the line yet, and I don’t even know where it is.
