“I think my not insisting on your ditching him before it required a postmortem is part of your reluctance to believe that I love you. It eroded your trust—because of your beliefs—that I could not ask you to give him up because I still have ties to mates. My inability to ask for something unfair and uneven made you doubt me.”
She turns her face away again, hiding behind her hair. “Maybe, but I will tell you this. Today, when Deli mentioned you might disappear? I lost it.”
“I could feel that. I didn’t want to go, but without you, it seemed pointless. I don’t want to be without you, and I’ve been telling you that over and over.”
“Maybe you could remind me of that a lot for a while?”
“I’ll make sure I say it more often for sure.”
Mind, I’m not sure how the hell I can mention it more, but I’ll damned well try if she’s asking.
“I know it was the first time that I got that if I lost you, I wouldn’t be able to be me anymore.”
I sigh, kissing her temple. “As long as you’ll have me, I’m here. I want to be here because I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She frowns, looking up at me. “Regarding Taurus, I’d like equal time with you, if you don’t mind. I’m still not sure how I feel about the two of you. I’m still a little nervous.”
“Any time you wish is yours. I don’t think you have to worry about that situation.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean what I said. I’m not too keen on the whole situation after this. He won’t want time with me, either.” I shrug. “I’ll be with you, love, and I don’t see it being a problem.” I hedge for a moment as I think about my words.
I have to keep it simple and not show anything to keep her happy. Even if she said she’s okay, I’m too scared of this happening again and I’m too scared of her hurting my primary to let her go skipping there. Her behavior has made that part of the family feel foreboding, dangerous, and worth the pain avoiding it will cause. I hate to keep saying it, but... she also hasn’t talked to the cat yet.
“Okay, color me stupid, but I need more to understand what you’re saying. You sound disappointed?”
Of course, I sound disappointed, you nit. You just heard me professing love, you told my woman how much you loved her, and now you’re wondering why I’d get upset?
This same-sex mating plan will go nowhere. It would have been nice to know thatbeforewe did it and bonded ourselves to people, we can no longer have. “I need to be with you. I always want to be with you. Don’t mistake that for a second.”
“Then what’s with ‘he will not want to’ and the forlorn emotions coming from you?”
Shrugging, I look away. “I think this complete fiasco bollixed things up. I might have done that stupid blurting thing I do when I get agitated and my brain misfires. I say things I can’t take back when that happens, and I hate it. The end of the story, though, is what we have here: you and I. Regardless of the rest, that’s what’s important.”
“You told him you loved him and he didn’t respond well. I was still out of it.”
I shrug. “I sure as hell did not intend to. If bimbos and bitches were luck and wishes, I’d be a goddamned genie and this would all get fixed.”
She blinks, then snorts. “Yeah, you still got that sense of humor. I see how he’d be a little wigged by that. It would be disturbing if he knew I was out for the count because of my doubts about you using me to get to him. I’m sure you see how that would look.”
It takes amonumentaleffort not to roll my eyes at her. She doesn’t seem to think I should get upset over her disappearing to a non-existent island with my primary without a word. Her little getaway blocking her mates from finding them is fine if it suits her. I guess that part of the story is just dandy with everyone.
“I knew better. I always know better. He won’t ever—they never do. I know that and I can live with that. I said goodbye earlier.” I tread carefully because I don’t know that I’m allowed to be upset about this.
I definitely know I’m not allowed to tell her about the cat. I have to be okay with all of this and get ready.
Talia slips out of bed, getting up on shaky legs. Running her hand down the length of the mattress, she moves towards the bar. She takes small steps and holds her hands out. What the fuck is she doing? “I’m not sure what you want me to say. Do you call for me to talk about his psyche? Do I help you get him into bed with you again? Am I supposed to make him? What?”
Blanching, I shake my head. “Hell, no. Absolutely not. I don’t want you to do anything, baby. This is my mess and I’ll deal with it. I love you and want you for you.”
She stops at the bar, touching bottle after bottle before selecting one. “Deli didn’t leave but a sliver of his scotch. He’s going to hide her. She didn’t even seem tipsy. Damn mutant.” Picky as always, she sniffs and puts it back, then goes about pouring herself a drink, albeit sloppily. She must be weaker than I thought. Taking a sip, she purses her lips and then turns to me. “If you say so, okay.”
I arch a brow, feeling concerned. Taurus was right. Something is off about her. “Are you okay to stand like that?”
“Stand like what? I’m not leaning, am I?” she retorts, looking defiant.
Yep. Something’s wrong and she’s covering like hell.
