Aidan’s eyes widen, like he’s just now realizing how deeply this cuts. I hold my breath, waiting for the words that might soothe or break me.
“Lucy… Look, I just… I didn’t think—” His words stumble, faltering under the weight of my gaze.
“I just want to be part of the things that affect us,” I whisper. “Allfourof us.”
He swallows hard, looking away for a moment, then back, his gray eyes clouded.
“Aidan,” I say softly. “I’ve been here. I deserve to be part of this.”
He opens his mouth, but whatever he meant to say falters. The silence stretches, thick, close, and my lungs feel too tight to hold another breath.
“I’m going to step out for a bit,” I say, finding my purse with shaky fingers. “Maybe go see Bree.”
His shoulders slump, guilt carving through the frustration. “Lucy…”
I shake my head before he can say anything more. “I just…need a minute to not feel like I’m on the outside of my own life.”
I head to the door, bend to slip into my shoes, and tug my bag over my shoulder. “I’ll be back before Isla goes to bed,” I add. “I don’t want to miss tucking her in.”
I pause at the door, hoping he’ll say something to bridge this sudden canyon between us. But he just stands there, his face a mask of conflicted emotions I can’t decipher.
forty-six
LUCY
Itexted Bree asking if I could swing by, but I didn’t exactly warn her how wrecked I was. She told me to come over but that Callan wasn’t around, which is probably for the best.
The second I open the door to their place, I break all over again.
Bree’s head snaps up from where she’s leaned on the kitchen counter, eyes wide. “Lucy? Oh my god, what happened?”
I can’t even speak at first, letting the sobs shake through me as I stumble toward the couch. Bree sets her phone down, hurrying over.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Breathe.”
I press my face into my hands and finally manage to choke out, “Everything’s just…too much today.”
“What happened?”
I take a shuddering breath, trying to organize my jumble of emotions. “I don’t even know where to start,” I manage, accepting the tissue Bree presses into my hand. “Aidan and I had a fight. About Emily and…well, everything.”
Bree’s expression darkens at the mention of Emily’s name. She’s only heard bits and pieces about Isla’s mother, but it’s been enough for her to form a strong opinion.
“What did she do now?”
“It’s not even her, not directly. It’s Aidan. He’s been making custody arrangements without telling me. And when I asked him about it, he made a comment about Isla like I don’t…like I’m not…” My voice breaks again.
“Oh, Lucy.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her side.
“I know it’s complicated,” I say, my voice wavering. “I know legally I don’t have any standing with her.” I twist the tissue between my fingers, shredding it. “But I’ve been there, Bree. Every day.”
Bree squeezes my shoulder. “I know you have.”
I rest my hand on my stomach, feeling the slight swell there. At nearly fourteen weeks, I’m finally starting to show a bit.
“It breaks my heart to think I might always be an outsider when it comes to Isla,” I tell Bree. “Will I just be the woman who takes care of her but isn’t really her mother?”
Bree shifts to face me, her golden waves falling forward as she leans in. “Lucy MacKenzie, listen to me. Biology isn’t what makes a family. Love does. That little girl adores the shit out of you.”
