Juliette,
If you’re reading this, it means you left. God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it got that far. You mean the world to me, and I hate that it took losing you to finally say this.
The truth is, I was scared. Scared of losing you once you saw the mess. After my dad passed, I started guarding everything I cared about too tightly. Especially the people I loved. I thought if I kept my past locked down, I was protecting you from the worst parts of me. But all I reallydid was keep you out. You deserved better than that.
In the bag, there’s a compass that belonged to my great-grandfather. It’s been passed down from one stubborn man to the next. He used to say it wasn’t for finding places, it was for finding your way when you felt lost. I hope it helps you do just that.
You made me want to be better, just by being you. I love you. I should’ve told you that a hell of a lot sooner and every damn day, in every way I knew how.
You’re worth every risk, and if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I can be the man you need. No more excuses.
I love you, Juliette. Always will.
-Knox
A sob breaks free.I’ve been so consumed by my own pain, so terrified of facing it, that I couldn’t see past it. But this letter… It’s a glimpse into his heart, and I just walked away. I left.
Oh god, he’s going to think I didn’t care. He’s going to think I didn’t even try. This letter has been sitting in my suitcase for almost two weeks, and he has no idea. He’s going to think I just gave up, that I didn’t even think twice.
My hand is shaking as I pick up the compass, my fingers grazing over its smooth surface. With a slowinhale, I flip it open. The glass is cracked, thin fractures spiderwebbing across the surface, but it doesn’t obscure the needle’s steady sway, always finding its way north. My breath catches when I see the words etched inside the case.
Come home to me.
Four words. Four simple words and a whole lifetime of things left unsaid. An entire story I didn’t let him finish.
My mind goes back to all the quiet moments we shared that spoke louder than words ever could. The way he held me, the way we never needed to say anything to understand each other. How could I have doubted him? How could I have walked away, so wrapped up in my own fears, without even seeinghim? Without understanding what he was going through?
What does that say about me?
I need to call him. Explain. Apologize. I need to make sure he knows that I never meant to shut him out.
My thumb hovers over his name on my phone screen.
This iswrong.
Saying, “I love you,” over the phone isn’t enough. He deserves more than a quick, desperate confession through a screen.
He deserves to hear it from me, face-to-face.
Ialwaysrun. When emotions get too big, too loud, too tangled, my instinct is to put distance between myself and whatever is threatening to swallow me whole.
I ran when we got the news about my mom’s diagnosis. I ran when I caught James cheating. And when I found out about Knox’s wife? I ran then, too.
But where has running ever gotten me?
Nowhere.
Running didn’t save my mom. Running didn’t stop James from being a liar. And running from Knox… That was a mistake. One I need to fix.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I spring into action. Clothes are shoved back into the suitcase, my hands moving with a frantic energy that almost feels like I’m watching myself from the outside. Just weeks ago, I was running from Scotland, desperate to escape. Now, here I am, rushing back.
I slip the compass and letter back into the pouch, tucking them safely into my purse. I won’t risk losing them again.
My heart races as I drag the suitcase back to the front door, the sound of the wheels scraping against the hardwood floor echoing in my ears. My mind’s a storm of chaotic thoughts, swirling in every direction. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, but it feels like the only thing Icando.
I need to get on a plane.
forty
