“I mean I don’t have any—” I flail for money words. “Investment advisors.Because I don’t have investments.”
I pause, trying to come up with even onetiny investment so that I don’t sound like a financial failure.
“Other than my books,” I add.
Oh my God. Books hardly count.
“I know they’re more like intellectual investments,” I explain, unable to stop. “I could maybe get two dollars if I sold one.”
“Please don’t sell your books.”
“I don’t want to,” I admit quickly in a surge of protectiveness. My books are precious to me. “I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“I hope so too.” He looks at me, serious and steady. “I’m aware I have more money than you. I have more money than most people.”
“As long as you’re aware of it,” I mutter. “And even though I’m not rich, I’m not poor either. I didn’t eat two rolls because I’ve been starving or something. I took another one because they were so good.”
“Earl will be delighted to hear that.”
I fidget with my bracelet.
Then I hear myself blurting the one thing I didn’t want to bring up.
“You said take care when you drove me home.”
His eyes soften immediately. “Yes. Did it upset you?”
I look away. Eat a strawberry. Realize I’ve eaten almost all of them. There’s only one left.
“You should have this,” I say, handing him the last strawberry politely. “I’m sorry I ate them all.”
“It makes me happy that you like them.”
He eats the strawberry, then prompts gently, “You didn’t give me an answer.”
“Yes, it upset me,” I mumble. “You should’ve noticed I wasn’t pushing you away anymore.”
I almost tell him that I need to be ardently admired. Preferably in the rain or in the English countryside. Saying “take care” is not in line with my expectations.
“I noticed.”
Oh.
I don’t know what to do with that.
It sounds a lot like he doesn’t care.
I’m dangerously close to tears.
“I also knew you were vulnerable after what happened in the library,” he adds.
My fingers worry the bracelet. Over and over.
“You drove away. And I had to—”
“What did you have to do?” he asks, even though he knows.
I want to say it anyway. I need to say it.
