He’s so fucking brave.
He doesn’t grab my phone like I half-expected. He takes the pencil instead. Scowling, he bends over the Sudoku and writes with quick, decisive strokes.
His hands tremble a little. He wants this. He’s terrified of wanting it.
I’m going to be so fucking worthy of him trusting me.
When he slides the paper toward me, his fingers brush mine for a fraction ofa second. Desire flares through me.
“Sudoku just got a lot more interesting,” I say, pocketing the grid.
His breath hitches.
He doesn’t look at me. His shoulders draw in, pride and nerves colliding, and I want to kiss him so badly it makes my head spin.
Instead, I stay right where I am.
I see him.
The courage it took to show up.
The defenses he wears like armor.
The quiet tremor beneath all that fire.
He’s so damn beautiful.
“I’m going to ask you out,” I say. “Properly. Soon.”
He looks up, and the heat in his eyes makes my pulse trip.
“I figured as much,” he mutters.
My gaze drops to his mouth. The thought that I might get to kiss him someday fills me with a joy so sharp it almost hurts. His lips part when he notices what I’m looking at. I need to leave before I do something he’s not ready for.
Outside, in the sunlit street, I exhale. Antonio came here. He made that choice. Took that step. Now, I’m going to make sure he won’t regret it.
CHAPTER 36 – ANTONIO
I’m reorganizing my bookshelf from alphabetical order to genres. I know I’ll put it all back by tomorrow, like I always do, but arranging my books soothes me.
I don’t need Freud to tell me I’m trying to create order in the outside world because my inner life is overwhelming. I’m trying so hard not to spiral, but—he hasn’t texted. Maybe he won’t? Maybe he changed his mind.
I take out one of my favorite books and inhale its comforting scent.
A Little History of the World— my first real history book. Nonno gave it to me when I was ten. The spine is cracked, the pages well-loved, and I know everysentence by heart. Holding the book helps me to calm down.
Caspian will text. Besides, it’s only been two hours. He said he’d ask me out ‘soon’. Maybe he didn’t mean right away or even today. Maybe for him, ‘soon’ means within this calendar year.
I should’ve demanded an ETA.
I should’ve asked if ghosting me was the plan all along.
Why can’t Maria be home?
She would tell me immediately if I’m reasonable or not.
Fine. I’ll read my quote book for peaceful self-reflection.
