That’s when I lose it. I laugh in that helpless way that eventually makes your stomach ache.
Earl freezes mid-smolder. “You don’t think I’m sensual?”
I gasp for breath. “Earl, you’re the hottest baker I know.”
He nods, instantly reassured, and strokes Bob.
“Good. Because I’m ready to show Maija the thirst trap that is my face.”
At seven o’clock sharp, Maija of Finland appears on the screen. She’s a pale, stern woman with a no-nonsense bob that looks like it was cut with a laser.
She studiesEarl.
“You look constipated. Try prunes. They help.”
“Th-thank you?” Earl stammers.
Maija glances at me.
“Who is this man with the playboy hair? His eyes are very seductive.”
“Stop seducing Maija,” Earl hisses at me.
“I’m Caspian. Tech and moral support.”
Maija nods approvingly.
“Good. You have a strong jaw. Earl needs that in his life.”
Earl bobs his head fervently.
“Caspian’s jaw is very reassuring.”
They both look at me, seemingly satisfied with my bone structure.
“Show me the house, Earl,” Maija says briskly. “I must know what I am up against.”
“I’m not prepared!” Earl protests.
“Stop fidgeting and give me a house tour,” Maija says with a voice thatcould freeze fire.
I squeeze Earl’s shoulder, reminding him to breathe. Reluctantly, he hands me Bob, then picks up the laptop.
What follows is the most anxious and brutal house tour in human history.
Maija squints at the curtains.
“Too cheerful. Burn them.”
She points at the rug.
“That is an eyesore. Throw it away. Dust on shelves. Shame.”
“I was going to dust!” Earl squeaks.
“I come in September,” she announces. “I will show you how.”
And with a single decisive click, she is gone.
