I zone out, imagining how she would look when I tell her all my bottled up feelings, the way her eyes will widen when I murmur how much I have wanted to kiss her, the way she wouldlean in to wrap her lips with mine then pull away with a smile and her cheeks flushed in a perfect hue.
“Clayton!” Her cry out alarms me out of my day dreaming.
My heart stops and the letter falls from my hands when I see what’s happening in front of me. The ice cracks, breaking in the middle as I watch Elsie fall down into the lake in a blur of white, her arms stretched towards me and her eyes wide in fear.
My brain shuts down as I find myself sprinting over towards her. I fall onto my knees when I see her body sinking down the ice cold water.
“Elsie!”
I scream out as I throw my torso down into the water, grabbing the edge of her sweater and pulling her up, desperately.
Her body falls onto my lap as I cradle her head in the crook of my arm. Her body is shaking uncontrollably, her eyes looking up into mine, unblinking.
“It’s okay, you're safe.” I murmur as I wrap her in my arms as tight as possible, trying to warm her freezing cold body.
She is having a seizure.
My hands shake as I try to think of all the ways I can help her but there is a blank fog in my mind that I can't get rid of.
ThinkClayton.
I press my fingers over her pulse in her neck. The faint heartbeats slowing down.
“No, Elsie, stay with me.” I press my forehead onto hers as my eyes well up with tears.
“Someone, help! Please!”I keep screaming till my voice turns hoarse. I press her close to my chest as I sob uncontrollably, feeling helpless.
I failed to protect her.
“Mon ange, please, stay with me. Don’t leave me,please.”
Her eyes turn hollow as the soft blue eyes that I have grown up to love turns gray, curtained with her white lashes.
“Elsie!”
Her body falls limp in my embrace as her dead eyes zone on mine. I wait for any recognition or that beautiful joy to stare up at me, or her lips to tilt up in that smile I look forward to every day.
She lets out her last breath and I press my cheek onto her lips, letting her last life source graze me.
“Mon ange.” I plead hoarsely as tears run down my eyes, coating over her lifeless face.
I tilt my head up into the sky and let out a gut wrenching scream to the cruel world.
Chapter Sixteen
The past
Clayton
December 2
I have laid down the ice with Elsie’s limo body in my arms, embracing her presence for every last second I get to have with her. I stared up at the sky with a blank stare as I felt the silent tears run down my cheeks, I never prayed in my life but all I could mutter was that I wish god would break all the ice in the lake and let me sink down with Elsie in my arms. She was the only reason I have lived, the only person that I had.
We laid for hours until the sun rose for a new day, no one came for our help, or saw us as I carried her and walked back to her parents house. My legs felt weak as I limped the way back, not daring to look elsewhere than her face, carving every feature in my memories, so I can close my eyes every night and see her.
See my failure.
She called out for me to save her and I was too late, the cold shock to her body killed her, and I was the one who took her to the lake. I filled all the snow around it in daisies, thinking it would make her happy and that it would be the perfect time to finally confess my feelings. I spread her funeral flowers without realizing it.
