My camera lies on the path, smashed to pieces.
‘My camera.’
‘Oh, love. What happened?’
I stoop to pick it up. The whole back is missing.
‘I dropped it.’
I try turning it on but it flickers and cuts out. My throat aches.
‘It’s OK,’ she says. ‘We can get you a new one.’
I run my finger over one of the cracks. ‘Dad bought me this. It’s the last thing…’
‘Ah, love. I’m sorry.’ She hugs me from behind. ‘Why don’t you sit down and take your tea? I’ll go clear this away.’ I pass her what’s left of my camera and she heads back to the house.
As I wait for her to return, I feel the panic rising. This is the second time in two days. On the ferry, the same thing. I blacked out with no memory.
No, that’s not right, I did see something on the ferry. Right, of course it was the…
It was…
There was something.
I close my eyes and strain to piece it together. I catch a flash of the ferry. A bright light.
Then blackness.
Why can’t I remember?
Something is very, very wrong with me.
Nanny Bet offers to make me some lunch, but I’m not hungry. She seems unsettled after the fainting, watching me like I might break. Mum watches me like that too and I can’t stand it. As if I’m fragile. Or worse, like I’m already cracked or broken and could fall apart at any moment.
Is that what this is? Am I blacking out because of some mental-health issue?
‘What’s on your mind?’ asks Nanny Bet, stroking Fergal on her knee.
Tell her.
I take a breath. ‘I had a blackout on the ferry too.’ I stare down at my feet. ‘Do you think there’s something wrong with me?’
The cat leaps from her as she reaches over and hugs me. ‘There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You hear me?’
‘But the blackouts…’
She shakes her head as she releases me. ‘If you have them again, you tell me. We can work it out together. OK?’
I nod and stand up. ‘I’m going into town with Cormac and some friends, but I’ll come back tomorrow, yeah?’
Her eyebrows furrow. ‘I have some things to do. But yes, call me tomorrow.’ She places her hand on my wrist. ‘And tell me if anything else happens. Promise?’
‘Promise.’
She hugs me again. ‘Be careful in that town. Don’t be going into any areas you don’t know. There’s a shower of bigoted shitheads out there at the minute.’ This gets a laugh and she seems pleased. ‘I love you, Michael. You know that, don’t you?’
‘Yeah, of course. Love you too.’ I give her a kiss on the cheek.
