I put some space between us and jerked my blanket over me. “What is this some kinda intervention? Can’t I have a mental breakdown in fucking peace, like everyothernormal person? I just wanna eat junk food, swoon over Tin Man, and bask in my own filth. Is that too much to ask?”
“Sorry, little sister…Tin Man don’t want you.”
I rolled my eyes…again. “I’m not oily enough for him?”
Malek lost himself in his idiot giggles. “No, stupid…he’sgay.”
“He isnot!” I threw my bag of Bugles at him and…dude, I don’t even know where it came from…I couldn’t stop it. I burst into manic depressant tears.How fucking gross. “He’s just sensitive and wanted a fuckinghearrrttt,” I sobbed, covering my face and burying it into the couch pillow.
“Ooookaaaay, that’s enough.” Seven appeared outta nowhere and shoved Mal onto the floor, the fool still laughing at me as she helped me off the couch. “Come on. Shower time.”
“Don’t forget your shampoo, Bridget!”
I hate that motherfucker sometimes. God, it’d feel good to scratch his pretty eyes out.
“When she snaps your neck, the mystery of how I’d dispose of your body will beherpot-a-gold. Can it, Dexter.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I sat on the floor in the shower, letting it all out while Sev finished off my Bugles on the toilet seat. It’s hard to believe that the outlet I ended up needing was a good soul-shattering cry, an imbecile of a sibling, and my best friend. Tell anybody…and I’ll cut your tits off.
“So…you wanna talk about it?” she asked, her blurry figure a weird comfort. “If you don’t, I’m fine with being silent company, too. But I’m here, Bridge.”
I don’t know how she does it. How she keeps it together enough to evencarewhen she’s got a mother in the hospital, a funeral home that’s in ruins, and had it in her to help rescue meagain, along with a dozen kidnapped girls? I wasn’t here for her this way after what happened to us last year. Violation or not, she went through Hell, and still did it with her head held high and her attitude in check.
“Why do you love me, Sev?” I pulled my knees up and clutched my arms around them, pressing my cheek down and staring at her through fogged glass.
“Hmm…you know…I don’t know. I don’t think you or Malek ever gave me much choice, but when it comes to you…I think it’s because I learned to love all the weird parts about myself that make me who I am. Thebestme. And I see a lot of myself in you, Bridget Byrne. Whether it’s a good thing or not…it’s a thing that fits my crooked-ass mold, babes.” I could tell she was smiling, and I know it’s genuine. “But at least I got one thing right. You don’t question it. YouknowI love you.”
“I love you too,” I wept, pitifully.
“So…would it help if you said it out loud?”
Yes. No. Maybe…
I can’t look at her if I’m gonna try, though. I turned my head, resting my chin on my forearm and stared at the wall. “They didn’t fuck me. But I had to give Romanov head. Just once. I gagged myself after he left, but…why do I feel so fucked up, Seven?” My lip wobbled and I bit down on it, letting the tears wash away in the stream of the shower. “Every girl in there went through so much worse. For so long. Why is this one small thing fucking me up like this?”
Her bare feet appeared next to me under sopping wet jeans and a band t-shirt. Two tattooed arms wrapped around me, and I leaned into her while she sat down in the shower.
“No fucking rape is smaller than another, Bridget. You don’t compare it to anyone else’s trauma.You fight through it. Because no human being should ever be forced to serveteaagainst their will, let alone a part of their fuckingbody.You told me once that you’ve done bad things. Malek spent his adult life killing people. Neither one of you did it for the sick joy of slowly ripping someone’s soul apart. That’s a different kind of fucking evil.And they deserved to die.”
I coiled my arm around hers and pressed my forehead into her shirt. I feel like my chest is caving in. I’ve never cried so hard. Not even over Daddy.
“There’s no shame in feeling it, Bridge. The pain is human. It means you’realive. You survived, babe. You all did. And they’ll never hurt any of you again.” She rocked me back and forth, her voice cracking as she sniffled. “Don’t shut us out. It does more harm than good. We’re tougher than we look…and that stubborn fucker in the kitchen would love nothing more than to be your punching bag. Fill all the dark parts with something better.”
We rocked there for a few minutes until the water started to get cold. She didn’t move an inch. I finally got my bearings and palmed my hair back.
“It feels…I dunno…unfinished.”
“I don’t think it gets more finished than a bunch of blown-up body parts,” she smiled.
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like having that feeling like somebody’s watching you. A weird itch. A heavy dread, or…bad Chinese.”
Sev stood up, turning the water off and reaching over the glass door for a towel. We wrapped up and faced each other.
“You’ve been through a lot. You’re still Bridget. They say when you break a bone, it grows back stronger than it was before. Sometimes we have to shatter completely before we can build ourselves into something unbreakable.It’s over. The Byrnes remain whole.”
The Byrnes.
