“We can stay here for a few months then look for somewhere if you want to.” Her head turned partially, and her pretty eyesfound mine. My smile was natural as she placed a warm kiss to my cheek. “Get back to work, slacker.”
Reluctantly, I let her take my hands from around her and she stepped out of my hold, “You’ll pay for that later.”
She grinned from over her shoulder, “Hope so.” Her eyes sparkled as she flicked her hair and went into the lounge with the others.
After I’d professed my love and begged her to take me back at her mother’s house, she’d introduced us properly. I even had the talk from Dan where he very kindly told me if I hurt her, or he saw her crying again because of me, he’d chop my dick off and feed it to me. What could I say to that, other than okay. I’d smiled and held out my hand, because that was the British thing to do. Everything was solved with a handshake. If we’d been in England, it would have been done with a pint in my hand. American beer wasn’t like ours, though. The handshake had to do.
It’d been four weeks since we’d arrived back from Santa Monica. I wanted her to move right in, but Karen wanted to give me space, as well as not dropping Holly in the shit by the way of rent. I offered to pay some advance but she wouldn’t hear of it. Holly told Karen she knew a girl at work that needed somewhere, so she’d rent out Karen’s room to her.
I had no idea what I’d done to ever deserve Karen, but I’m not questioning it anymore. She’s the missing jigsaw piece from my life, and I know I wouldn’t be able to live without her now, I can say that honestly. All those times I’ve looked at love as something I wasn’t worthy of, I now know that I was just scared. Karen’s taught me that.
The shrill cry, which came from the lounge, had Roman smiling and moving for the door. Leo Brandon Dean was born three weeks ago. I can’t say what he weighed because, well, it’s not my place to remember, but Uncle Gav is going to teach thatboy so much. I joined Roman at the entrance of the door as we watched Paisley hand him to Karen, Nikki sat the other side of Paisley, smiling down at him. “Why is it when you put a baby in a room, all the women go ga-ga?”
“You’ll find out soon enough when that one comes along, mate.”
My gaze fell on Karen with Leo in her arms and instantly I saw our future. Her, our baby and me. And I was finally here for all of it. I couldn’t wait. It seemed finding love had made me a new man.
I’d explained the morning with Nikki. I’d apologised for being a stupid dick, again, but so did she for jumping to conclusions. I couldn’t blame her; it did look bad, and with our history and my reputation, anyone would’ve jumped to the same conclusion.
“Right, let’s get these boxes in the bedroom.” I said clapping my hands to the lads. In other words, get a fucking move on. I wanted a beer.
Once everything was done, we sat around in my apartment with pizza and more beer, while we laughed with the guys. Karen tucked herself in between my legs and leaned back against my chest, I kissed the top of her head and held her with my arm draped across her chest. Nikki and Rhys sat as far away from each other as they could, but they couldn’t fool me. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, as the saying goes, and I was the biggest one around. I shook my head at them and tuned back into the conversation with my girl in my arms, and that was where she was going to stay.
“I’m fucking nervous.” I muttered. I promised Karen I’d do this, so I am.
“Don’t be. I’m here.” Karen held onto my hand tightly, squeezing it every now and then just to remind me she wasn’t going anywhere. I don’t know if she was supposed to be here with me, but they can fuck off if they think she’s leaving.
Today was my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Anonymous; that’s a joke, they made you say your fucking name for a start. Whoever decided to call it that can get fucked.
The big circle of chairs, that were sat in the large community room, had begun to fill and a guy with a folder came and took a seat. He smiled tightly at each of us and waited until everyone was seated. My knee bounced up and down in quick succession, I couldn’t stop it. The same guy greeted us with a good morning and started the session. I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t want to be here, but I had to get it over with. “Okay, so I’m Dave, and I’m a recovering gambler. I haven’t placed a bet for three years now.” I rubbed my sweaty palms on my thighs and glanced at Karen, her smile made me feel better and I breathed in deeply, then blew it out slowly.
Everyone in the circle said their name and how long they’d been clean for and in no time at all, it was my turn. “Alright.” I nodded to the circle, “My name’s Gavin, I’m a gambler and this is my first session. I haven’t had a bet for six weeks and three days now and I want to get clean.”
“You’ve made the first huge step.” Dave replied, “If you like, we can talk after the session, if you need to?” I nodded back at the grey-haired guy, he seemed okay, friendly enough I suppose.
“I’m so proud of you.” Karen whispered. Those words were like gold and that’s all I needed.
My knee didn’t stop bouncing all the way through the hour-long session, and as I listened to some of the stories, it made me sound like a novice. Some people were in halfway houses because of their debt, or it had got them into trouble with the law. There were some on the streets and in refuges. Jesus, I guess I was one of the lucky ones.I was lucky to have the people around me that I did. It’s a shame it had taken me to sit here to realise that.
After the session I had a quick word with Dave. I gave him a brief rundown of my past, and that I needed to change because I had a baby on the way. He then reminded me casually that to change, I needed to want to do it for myself.
I did.
I did want to change, and as he gave me his card, I slipped it into my pocket and shook his hand, thanking him quickly and left. I just needed out of there.
As I ventured outside, I sucked a deep breath in and closed my eyes. Karen’s arms weaved around my waist as she planted herself against me. “You did it.”
“I did it.” She lifted her head and rested her chin on my chest to look me in the eye as my hands closed around her pretty face and I kissed her forehead, “I did it, but I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you, sweetheart.” My head dipped and my lips brushed hers. “I love you.” I breathed.
She smiled just like she always did when I said those words now. She didn’t need to say them back because I knew she loved me. “Let’s go home.”
Home.
It didn’t matter to me where I lived because she was my home. I had no plans on that changing, and even if I screwed up, which I probably would at some point, Karen and my childwould always be my happy place, my home. The only addiction I’d ever need. I’d make sure of that.
EPILOGUE
Karen
