And here I am. Nerves swirling around my stomach wondering what she’ll say when she sees me.
The door opening had me looking back up. My gaze fell on a woman that Karen was almost the double of, I smiled nervously and rubbed my palms on my jeans. “Hi. You don’t know me but I’m Gavin.” I thrust my hand in her direction, she took it and we shook gently.
“So, you’re the one that broke her heart?” Her head cocked to the side as she took her hand back and folded her arms across her chest. I nodded.
“I just need to see her. Please?”
“She’s distraught, but I can only go with what I can see.”
“I love her.”
A soft sigh left her lips, “You better come on in.” She stood to the side opening the door wider, and invited me in. I stepped over the threshold and looked around. The muted colour scheme and the homely feeling hit me straight away. Nothing like the way I feel in my own parents house. A tight smile flattened her lips as she passed me and led me through to another room.
As I entered, I heard the softness of Karen’s voice asking who it was at the door. A guy sprung up from the couch though, his hair a little darker than Karen’s. Her legs had been stretched across his lap. If it wasn’t for the fact his eyes matched Karen’s, I’d be questioning who he was.
“It’s me.” I voiced quietly. I saw the widening of her eyes but she didn’t look at me. “K?”
“Kaz, who’s this?” The guy asked. He gave her a moment to answer but when there was no reply, he took it upon himself to get them, “Okay if you’re not going to tell me, I guess I’ll ask him. So?”
He was staring at me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She sat up slowly and her eyes closed briefly before they opened again and finally, she looked up at me. Her jaw tensed. I knew she was trying to hold back her emotions. I’d seen it enough recently.
“Dan this is Gavin, Gavin, this is Dan, my brother.” As her voice shook, she hid her face in her hands.
“Do you think I can have five minutes with your sister?”
“Obviously, you’re the jerkoff that’s upset her?”
What could I say to that? I couldn’t deny it, doing all this was about airing truths. “I’m that arsehole, yeah. There’s no doubt about that.” A slither of a smile graced her lips, and I felt some kind of hope.
“How did you know I was here?” Her head shook, “And why are you even here, anyway?”
“I’m here for you.” My answer was instant. “Don’t shout at her, but I made Holly tell me where you were.”
“Fucking Holly.” She mumbled in a sullen tone.
“I had to come. I had to speak to you, and I couldn’t get hold of you on the phone.”
“I don’t want to talk, Gav.”
“Well, I do.” Her eyes widened. I knew she found that hard to believe. “I need to explain. I have things I need to say.”
“Then say them now that you’re here, and then go.”She turned her sad gaze on me, there was something in her eyes that had me second guessing everything. Did she really want me to go? I guess I couldn’t blame her if she did, and I know she’d had a lot to take in recently, but I refused to believe that she really wanted me to go.
“Do you mean that?” Her fingers brushed the tears from her eyes as she lifted her head up. Her eyes were rimmed red, she looked so sad, and tired. “Please, K. I need you to listen to me.”
Her eyes closed on a tired sigh and nodded, “Go on.”I moved slowly towards her, soft, careful steps, until I’d left only a small gap between us. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“For what Gav, because your list of misdemeanours is stacking up against you.”
“I know. I’m sorry for everything.” I breathed slowly, “I’m sorry for upsetting you, I’m sorry for hurting you…” I wanted to reach across and hold her hand but like she could read my mind her gaze dropped to her hands and she shifted them back into her lap. I reached across and took it anyway and smoothed my thumb across her knuckles, “God, I’ve never done this before.” I breathed, “I have so many things I need to tell you, and if I have to do that right here, in front of your family, then I will.”
The gap between us was merely inches, but it felt like a mile. “K,” I moved closer and crouched in front of her, “you amaze me. Every time I look at you, every time you kiss me, I wonderwhat I did so right that you chose me. I was stupid. I say stupid things, I do stupid things, and my mouth drops me in the shit all the time, because I have no filter.” I wrapped my fingers around hers, lifted them and let my lips linger on her knuckles. “I love you and there’s no one else in this world that I want to share my life with. I know you probably don’t believe this, but you are my whole world.” I moved to my knees and shuffled closer to her. “Please, say something.”
She swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks as her tears fell. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to show her I was here for her. I wanted to show her I could comfort her.
“Gav,” She sniffed, “How can I be sure you won’t take off again when things get tough.”
“I promise.”
