“There you go, then.”I sniped back.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not fucking pissed.” He stated angrily.
“And you think I don’t know this.” I shrugged. “Look, I’m sorry, okay.”
“Fucking hell! You’ve shown your face, and I’ve got an apology? Who the fuck are you? You used to disappear for days.”
“Ha ha,” I exaggerated and held my stomach, “you’re fucking funny.” My eyes rolled as I took a gulp of my coffee, I needed it to deal with him this morning, it seemed. “Where’s Pais?”
“She’s resting up, she’s not too good. She’s having dizzy spells again.”
“Is she okay?” My tone changed, because I was naturally concerned. I might be a twat at the best of times and didn’t know anything about pregnancy, but even I knew she shouldn't be having those.
“Yeah, I’m making her rest today, if she doesn’t get any better, I’m calling the doc out.” I agreed, because fuck… “Now stop changing the fucking subject and talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on in your head.” His hands rubbed over his face before he turned his steely gaze back on me.
I glanced between Roman and Rhys before I moved my gaze to my coffee, when I saw the cup almost empty, I got up and poured more. “You got food? I’m starving.”
“Gav. Just fucking talk, usually I can’t shut you up.”
“What the fuck do you want me to say, Rome,” I answered harshly, “that I didn’t know what I was doing? Well, I did.” I closed the cupboard and turned back. “Of course, I did, but I can’t stop that snarky, bastard voice in my head that pushes me on. It takes over every rational reasoning and I have to go on -I have to fucking win…it’s, it’s like an illness, a poison inside of me, and it spreads though my blood.” My head hung, “I don’t know what to tell you other than, I’m sorry.” I shrugged, liked a petulant child, but I did lift my head and look him in the eye to say what I needed to. I owed him that much at least. “I’m sorry it happened last night. I’m sorry I did it on your big night, and I’m so fucking sorry that I might have messed shit up for you…” I paused to grab a breath, my eyes closed from the pain I felt, “...yet again.” I dipped my head and pinched the skin between my eyes. I hoped to ease the tension in my head, but it didn’t work. “It’s like a disease that never gets cured.”
I glanced up at Roman, his brows were set high. He obviously didn’t expect that little meltdown, or maybe it was because I spoke the truth. Roman wasn’t used to having the truth from me, in fact I think it’s only happened a handful of times. If I could get out of any shit I was in with a joke, I’d do it. I’d never been tagged the serious one. I skirted around the truth to make it sound better for myself. Or to get myself out of shit, but as much I was ashamed of that now, I never was back then.Maybe I had grown up a little bit.
“Why don’t you take a few days off. Away from all of this, away from the stress and the urge,” he sighed heavily, “can you give us a minute, Rhys?” My head snapped back up and I wondered what he could want now. I was still waiting for him to mention Karen.
“Gav, mate.”
“The urge never goes away, Rome. I thought I was okay.” I interrupted, “I was sure I could handle it, but as soon as we were in there I was sweating like a bitch, it’s like knives prickling away at my skin, I can’t explain it. I wouldn’t want to explain it to you, because I’d hate to see you pity me anymore. You’ve made enough excuses for me. You’ve done that for most of your life.” I dropped my arse onto the stool and sighed.
“It’s what friends do.” He sighed. “What’s the deal with Karen? I saw you walking the casino with her. What the fuck? You looked very cosy.”
“Fuck you.” He smirked, the fucking moron. “We’re friends.”
“Fucking friends.” He scoffed, “I saw how she held on to your arm and laughed at your shitty jokes. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed either. I saw how you smiled at her.”
“So?” There’s that child again, I shrugged. “She doesn’t treat me like an idiot, or even talk to me like shit.”
“I’m not having a go,” his hands flew up in front of him in defence. “I’ve just never seen you like that. I take it you stopped whatever you and Nikki…?” I needed to shut down all talk of Nikki and Karen.
“Are nothing. I’d like to say we’re friends, but we’re not, are we? Nikki and I are toxic. I told you that a few weeks ago. And I don’t need a lecture. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing right now.” I breathed in slowly, evenly, and exhaled. “I don’t fucking do relationships, but her, I don’t get it.” A smug smile formed on his face, it pissed me off. “What the fuck are you smiling at?”
“Nothing. You’ll get it.”
“What do I do about Alex and Quinn. Are they pissed?”
He shrugged one shoulder, “Quinn, yeah. Alex, not so much.” He took something from the back pocket of his jeans and skimmed it across the island to me. “That’s Alex’s business card. Give him a call. He’ll think more of you if you do.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he thinks of me.”
“Liar.” Roman fired back.
“What?” My brows pinched tightly.
“If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here right now. You forget mate, I knew the old Gavin, the one that really didn’t care a damn, this version is way different to the old version, even with the gambling problem. You’re a much a better person.”
“I don’t feel like one.” I admitted in a low tone. “Are we good?” I asked impatiently, eventually we would be anyway, even if he was angry with me.
His phone pinged on the marble surface of the island. He lifted it up and unlocked it with his face ID, took a second then lifted his gaze to mine, “Saved by the bell, mate. Paisley wants me.”
