It reshaped me, and perhaps it was for the best. They say all of our traumas are only there to serve as lessons. As growth points.
My trauma made me tough.
I climb into the cab I manage to wave down on the street outside the massive glass doors of the skyscraper I hope to work in.
The driver smiles at me. “Where to?”
“Winchester Avenue, the apartments near the end,” I tell him.
“Yes, yes, I know which. You’re lucky, we’re just missing the lunch traffic,” he says, pulling into the road.
I glance out of the window. Compared to California, Chicago always seems to have traffic, no matter what time of day it is.
The apartment's kind of shitty, but it's a starting point. I don’t plan to be there for long. It was a move based on caution. Until I get a new job, there's a limited amount of money in my bank account, and I need to make it last.
I don’t have family to fall back on. And in this city, seeing as it’s been five years since I was even here, I don’t have a lot of people I can call for help.
My best friend, Izabel, lives in California. She was my rock and my support system when I moved to California, and she's the only one I truly trust. She’s already talking about visiting me here, and I can’t wait for her to come. We met through the first job I worked at when I got to California, and even though I didn’t stay with that company long, Izabel and I remained close.
I didn’t want to leave her. I already miss her like crazy. But I had to do this.
I have a deep understanding that if I don’t do this, I will never find my strength again. I will never reclaim the part of me that he took away.
As for family…I don't really need them. I never had any, and I’m used to being on my own, facing challenges on my own. I'm used to relying on myself. I've certainly done enough of it over the past years.
The driver stops outside my apartment and I climb out, tapping my phone against his machine to make payment. “Thank you,” I smile.
“Thank you, have a wonderful rest of the day,” he smiles back at me.
Hurrying inside, my heart is already flooding with joy.
This is the moment I wait for every day. When I worked in California, it was always arriving home that gave me the most joy. No matter how well I do in business, no matter how many promotions and raises I receive, it never stops being aboutthem.
The elevator carries me to the last floor. I hurry down the hallway to the door of our temporary home.
I can already hear their laughter inside.
When I push the door open, I immediately drop down to their level as my beautiful twin girls come rushing towards me to bowl me over with hugs and kisses.
“Mama!” Kira shouts, nuzzling into my neck while Kelsey crawls onto my lap and throws me off balance, causing me to fall on my ass as I wrap my arms around both of them.
These two beautiful little angels are the reason for everything I do. They are the reason I never gave up. They are the reason I work harder than everyone else; I push, I fight, and do whatever it takes to be the best.
“Have you two been good today?” I ask, standing up and scooping them into my arms, one slung on each side. “Gosh, you guys are getting heavy,” I groan, kicking off my high heels to make it easier on myself.
“Mama, we made cookies,” Kelsey shouts excitedly.
“I made pink cookies!” Kira adds. Kira is usually the leader of the mischief, with Kelsey trying to tone it down in some way or another. I think they balance each other out perfectly—one teaching the other how to be more adventurous, and the other learning how not to be too adventurous and get hurt.
“Wow, pink? I can’t wait to taste them!”
Their nanny, Stella, walks into the living room, wiping her hands on a dishcloth. “They’re almost cool enough to eat,” she smiles at the girls. “Stop using your mom as a jungle gym. What did I tell you?” she laughs, pulling Kira from my side and throwing her playfully onto the sofa.
Kelsey jumps off me and leaps onto the sofa next to her sister. “Can Mama have a cookie now?”
Stella looks at me with a smirk. “I think your mama needs coffee and a moment to breathe.”
“It’s okay, I’d love to try one of these magical homemade pink cookies,” I muse.
