“Don’t do that. You’ve called me Vita since you learned that’s my name. I called you Alejandro for a lot longer. It’s not the same.”
“Yes, it is. You stopped using my full name when you started calling me Jandro. So, if you don’t want me to scold you, then don’t you do the same to me.”
We glare at each other. Our tempers flare to boiling.
“You know damn well that neither of us would’ve shared anything about our real life if this thing between us was going nowhere,chiquita. You also know two hot people who like to fuck isn’t a guarantee the sex will be as good as what we have. You know it’s because there’s more between us than just physical attraction. Don’t pretend there isn’t. I’ve told you before, don’t lie to me about your feelings. I get you may not be able to tell me the truth about everything. But if I can tell you the truth of my feelings, then you can give me the same courtesy.”
“How we feel about each other isn’t what will keep me alive.”
“Vita, it’s about the only thing that’ll keep you alive.”
He practically snaps at me. It’s his turn to take a calming breath.
“Look, we can go around and around,chica. Or you can admit what we both know. If there was nothing between us, one of us would be dead by now. And it’s no guarantee it would’ve been me. You know I see a future for us, and that’s why I’m taking you to my family.”
“There might be a future between us, but we barely know each other. Neither of us can say something with such certainty.”
I can tell I’m sorely testing his patience as he takes another deep breath before responding.
“If you deny you’ve imagined what things could be like between us, then you’re only fooling yourself. I know I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since Chicago. That means we’ve both had far longer to consider our choices than we normally wouldfor most things. You and I both make life-changing decisions in the blink of an eye. As often as we might plan our course of action and do our best to create scenarios we control, we both know that’s not always possible. Our minutes are like days for most people. Hours are weeks. Days are months. None of us think years in advance. Will you deny considering what a future would look like with me?”
I don’t want to lie to him. It would be pointless to try. I bring my palms up to rest on his chest.
“Yes, I’ve imagined that. But all it was, was imagining. It’s not real.”
“Only because you say it’s not. Only because you won’t let it be real. It could be if you wanted it.”
He’s so insistent that I could almost believe him.
“In what world does this work out?”
He stares at me as though I’m stupid, and I feel my temper flare all over again. He must read it in my expression even though I didn’t think it changed.
“Chiquita, the very couple I want us to go to are the ones who prove it’s possible.”
“That’s different, and you know it. This lifestyle never consumed Elodie like it has me. She left it behind.”
“No, she didn’t. She could’ve killed me, and she chose not to.”
The words tumble out of his mouth. My eyes widen to where they hurt.
“Vita, she did a job where I was the only one who walked away. If I didn’t look just likeTíoEnrique, I’d probably be dead too. She took out all the men around me and left me alive.”
It couldn’t have been that long ago. I know Elodie and Enrique have been together for less than two years.
“I thought she retired years ago.”
“She thought she had too. But there was a job she couldn’t avoid. IfTíoEnrique—or more importantly my parents—could overlook the danger I was in, then they can accept you.”
“But you were never her primary target. Just the opposite. That you weren’t her target at all is why you survived. They’re going to see things with me differently.”
“Can you please just trust me to know my family better than you do? If I bring you home with me, they know it’s because we’re together.”
“For now, until we resolve all of this.”
I fight against the possibility of a future with Alejandro because I don’t want to be disappointed when it inevitably doesn’t happen. If I don’t open my heart, then it can’t be slammed shut when this fails.
“No, not just for now. There’s no ‘just for now’ with couples in my family. Either we’re all in or not in at all.”
