“Explain it to me,” he snaps and Britt places her hand on his shoulder.
Wow, Tommy doesn’t ever raise his voice. I’ve done more damage than I realize by getting Chess to fake the relationship all along.
Britt sits alongside me on the couch. “Big brother, we’ve heard her side. Now we need yours.”
I sigh and dive into my feelings on the situation. They already know the logistics, but they don’t know it was real to me from day one. They all deserve to hear it. Chess deserves to hear it, and not as she’s walking out of the door of my locker room.
“I knew it! I knew it all along and now I know you’re heart sick. So, you know what happens next? You fix it. You don’thave to leave. You don’t have to accept the job. I see how happy you are since Chess came back. The playboy grump everyone thought you were, is not who you really were then, and it certainly isn’t who you are now. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
Britt continues, “You say there was something missing, that you wanted more. You thought you lost football and needed to go somewhere bigger to get it back. But you never lost football. You never lost the game, no matter what level you’re at, playing, coaching, watching,” she pauses. “I think you know what was missing. And I think you know you found it now. You’ve already won, Jackson.”
I do know.
“Chess is it for me but I’m too late. I’ve signed some sort of contract, I’m stuck and I have to go. And it’s not fair to ask her to uproot her life again and come with me. I don’t know how to fix this.”
Britt gets a sly look. “That’s why you have me.”
Chapter 40
Jackson
We have just a few days before the state championship game. The boys are ready. They’re hungry and they want it and it’s the most amazing feeling to be on this run with them again.
There isn’tmorethan this right now.
And they need to know it.
I’ve made a decision. I’m reneging on my acceptance of the coaching position at Eastern State. I don’t know what the fall out will be, but I’ll take whatever comes. I was a fool to think I was chasing happiness by leaving Christmas again, by leaving this team and by leaving Francesca. Hell, I was a fool thinking I could leave my best friend, even after he punched me in the face.
What he did was justified. If someone was doing to Britt what I was doing to Chess, even though it wasn’t my intention to hurt her, it still looked bad, and I would have punched myself, too.
Now is the time I get to tell them I’m not leaving and hope that they still want me to stay. Even after all the drama.
“Bring it in!” I yell as the team comes from their lines and gathers in front of me, dropping to their knees, balancing with their helmets on the ground. “You look good out there. Really good,” I say as I look each of them in their eyes. “Really. Fucking. Good.”
Cue the barking.
I smirk. I wouldreallymiss the barking.
“You’re ready for this game. I know we still have days to go but I want you all to know I like what I see out there.” I motion to all the assistant coaches. “We all do, and I don’t see how we can prepare any better than where we are right now.” When the boys start cheering and clapping, I know what they’re thinking. “That doesn’t mean we won’t be practicing!” They groan but I know they all love being out here as much as I do. “But I’m not pushing two-a-days because I don’t think they’re needed.”
I look around again, making sure to meet the eyes of Jameson, Connor and my other up and coming seniors. “I know these past couple weeks have been rough. And it’s my own drama that has sat on this team like a lead balloon. I am standing here officially apologizing to all of you for the way the news was delivered. It is not how I wanted it to be said nor was it my intention to hurt or disappoint any of you.”
There are some grumblings, but Jameson cuts them off. “So why did you, coach? Why did you disappoint me—us,” he quickly covers. “Why do you want to leave?”
I sigh, take my hat off, run my hands through my hair then replace my hat again. How do I explain it to them?
Be honest. They’ll respect you for it.
Chess’ words flood my mind. “I’m going to give it to you guys straight. Since I left the NFL, I felt like something was missing. I thought there was more for me out there. I didn’t want to come back here, to Christmas. It signified failure, in my eyes. But coaching you guys brought me back out. If I couldn’t play, I could still be on the field and I came to realize I’m a pretty good coach.”
I give a smug grin while coughs of ‘big ego’ break the tension.
Sobering, I say, “You all made me a better coach. And not just a better coach, but a better person. When I was looking formore, more, moreI see now I didn’t need more when I already had everything I wanted.”
I had Chess.
“So, if you have everything, why leave?”
