I did the best I could up there once I heard the MC, I hope I sold it to the town. I couldn’t let a tear fall. I had to let them think this was great and what we all wanted. But seeing his kids' faces? I almost didn’t make it out of there before I became a sobbing mess.
I walk down Main Street but steer towards the school, furiously wiping my face as I go. I need to be alone, get a grip on my thoughts before I’m met with more questions tonight. There is still a whole night event I have to get through and right now, I’m not sure I can.
“Chess!” I hear my name being called. I turn and see Jackson running towards me. He looks like a mess. Hair in every direction, face red and sweaty. “Chess, wait!”
I stop but he doesn’t, grabbing my hand and pulling me back around to the locker rooms and into his office.
“Chess, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out like that.”
“So, it’s true? You accepted the position? I didn’t even know theywere looking at you,” I say. What kind of PR rep doesn’t know? Why didn’t they go through me?
He’s out of breath and leans against the front of his desk. Reading my mind, he says, “They called Tony. I don’t know why they didn’t contact you, but he called me last week and sent contracts for me to go over.”
“Last week,” I say the words slowly, trying to remain calm even though my heart is beating out of my chest right now. “Why didn’t you show me the contract? I could have reviewed it like the others.”
“I wish I did now,” he grunts and runs his hands through his hair again. I’ve never seen him so disheveled.
“Gage, you’re scaring me. What did Tony say? What did you sign?”
“I don’t know!” he explodes. “I don’t know what I signed. He told me it was a coaching contract and an NDA that said myself and my PR firm would put out a statement. I don’t know why it was leaked… Fuck, I do know. Fucking Nick…” he trails off again.
I step closer to him, tentatively putting my hand on his arm. “What do you mean Nick?”
His head is hung in defeat. He takes a breath and lifts his head, looking me in the eyes. His are red and watery and I’m dying a little more with each word.
“Apparently I’m signed with Goldman PR now,” I gasp but he continues. “Tony signed with them, got Nick to promise to not file any charges from our fight. They want me at Eastern as soon as possible so I can use them as a stepping stone to get back to the NFL. Then they have a star QB1andcoach on their PR roster.” He stands, walks around to his computer, and starts punching at the keyboard. “I need to see that contract. I need to read everything.” He’s breathing hard again. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know... I should have, I’m so stupid.”
I come around beside him and spin his chair towards me, dropping down to my knees. I take his hands in mine, deciding to do the only thing I can do right now—comfort him even though I’m falling apart. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. “Jackson, listen to me. It’s going to be okay. This is what we were working towards. And whether you got there with me or with Tony, you got there. Eastern State wantsyou. They don’t care who represents you.”
“No! I didn’t get there with Tony. You were right. Tony’s been stealing from me. I was going to confront him and fire him but he beat me to the punch.”
I’m heartbroken for him. For me. This isn’t how this should have gone. Tony has gone and ruined what should have been a great memory and made it into a terrible mistake. I take a deep breath because I know what I have to do.
I have to let him go.
This is what he wanted, and I knew it all along. I knew he wanted to leave, and I agreed to help. I have to be the professional I am and make a choice for the both of us. “This is a good thing, Jackson. You’re going to be back on a real field. You’re still going to be coaching kids, they’re just a little older now,” I smile trying to lighten the mood. “And you’re going to still be working to get them to the next level. That’s what you do—you take silver and make it gold. You put it on a pedestal, and everyone is better for it.” He’s watching me but I don’t know if he sees me. I don’t know if he hears me. He’s broken down.
“It doesn’t feel like a good thing.”
I choke back a sob. “All transitions hurt. They wouldn’t call it growing pains if it felt good. And right now, those pains cut a little deeper for the ones on the other side of that door. You have a team of boys out there waiting for you, waiting for an explanation. Give it to them. Be honest. They may not like it, but they’ll respect you for it.”
I stand, letting his hands go, and he lets me. I wish he’d held just a little tighter, a little longer. “You can do this. You’re a talented, dedicated strong coach, you’re meant to do this.Thatis your calling, whether it’s here or across the country. I believe in you.” I give a small smile.” I’ll see you around Coach.” I turn and grab the door handle.
“Chess?”
I freeze and wait for him to speak, not trusting myself to look at him right now.
“I was never faking it. Fifteen years ago, and still today, it was always real for me. I need you to know that.”
My breath leaves me in a rush, and I can’t keep quiet the choked sob that escapes me. I turn the handle and run from the room as fast as I can. I’m going straight home. Fuck this event tonight. Fuck the winterqueen and king. Fuck the broken heart I thought he repaired, only to break it again. But this time it’s on me. I knew he wouldn’t just break it this time around. This time, he shattered it. And there’s no coming back from it.
Chapter 37
Jackson
My team pummeled me with questions that had no answers to. I didn’t know how to answer them. I wanted to give them the truth but I don't even know what that truth looks like anymore.
I couldn’t talk to the team that night, couldn’t explain myself. Every word that left my mouth felt like another lie, another excuse. It didn’t make sense. I already had everything so why did I want to leave? Those thoughts spun around in my mind over and over.
