He just smiled again, winked then turned back towards the game. The game ended and my parents went to the parking lot, waiting for the boys to come out. Britt and I were hanging around by the locker room, waiting for our brothers. We just wanted to tell them we would meet them down at the grille but of course I had dreams of Jackson rushing from the door and straight to me, still sweaty from the game but wanting to be close anyway.
The team was spilling out from the locker room, cheering and laughing. Adam and Jackson both came out and I gave Adam a hug to congratulate him. Told him how well he played. Then I looked toward Jackson, not sure what I was hoping for but if he had taken the moment to find me during the game, he would now, as well, right?
Our eyes connected and I thought he was going to step towards me for a hug, but then he stopped. He glanced at Adam, and something passed between them. He looked past us and called out, ‘there’s our favorite girls’! I heard giggling and Anna, my brother’s then girlfriend and one of her friends pushed between us and our brothers, and latched themselves onto them.
Britt grabbed my hand and we left.
I didn’t leave with Jackson that night.
But I will tonight.
We pull into the parking lot, and I try brushing that memory away and I smile at the crowds. This is different. This is many years later. We’ve grown up, it’s a different time, a different scenario and we are all different people now.
Britt must read my face because she mimics my thoughts. “This is brand new tonight.” She leans in closer. “Same people but different roles. It’s anew start.”
All I can do is nod.
I’m excited but nervous too. This is another big outing where we’re together in real life, but our families think we are still pretending. Will I be able to pretend to not be in love with him around them, but act the part for the crowd? When I actuallyamin love in real life? This is so confusing.
We climb the stands and take our usual seats. The cheerleaders and the mascot are dancing. The place is electric. The announcer comes over the loudspeaker which makes the crowd erupt even louder. He introduces the opposing team which earns a bunch of boos and then begins hyping up our team.
“Put your hands together and welcome your reigning State Champions and hometown Comets to their homecoming night!” The crowd goes wild. The announcer calls out the starting lineup and the kids run from the locker room onto the field. “Make some noise for your starting quarterback, Jameson Winters!”
A feeling of pride fills me as I watch him run onto the field. He’s a great kid and he’s going places. I’ve been working with him on picking schools and getting his highlight reels together. He’s genuine and good. He reminds me of Jackson when he was that age before he was tainted by the limelight. And I know a lot of Jameson’s qualities are because he has Jackson for a coach.
“And no team would be complete without an all-star coach! Welcome Coach Jackson Gage!” I watch Jackson jog onto the field, he tips his hat to the crowd but has no intention of making himself the spotlight. The announcer continues. “I don’t need to tell the town this, but Coach Gage brings years of experience as your former Carolina Warriors quarterback. We are so grateful he chose to come back and make Christmas his home once again! Good luck tonight, Coach, but with what you’ve brought to this team we know you don’t need it!”
I can see Jackson trying to tune out what’s being said. When he’s on the field, he is here for the kids, he doesn’t want this recognition. But I know, as his PR agent, this helps him. I hope someone got this on film. It will be good to add to his reels, as well.
He circles up with his team, giving them a pep talk. Then they all put their hands in, and I hear him shout, “Mindset. Heartset. 100percent!” The boys repeat it, jumping and barking. I shake my head at the barking and laugh. Jackson turns and catches my eye, winking and placing his hand over his heart, holding my gaze. I smile and wink back, placing my hand over my heart.
What are we saying? Whatever it is, we are saying it for everyone to see.
Adam caught it. He gives me an incredulous look and shakes his head. Billy hands him a water bottle and starts talking to him which I am grateful for, it breaks whatever bizarre thing just happened.
The game was a runaway from the start. We were up by three touchdowns at the half, then thirty-eight points come the end of the third quarter. The opposing team had yet to get on the board. Fourth quarter came and Jackson pulled his starters giving them a rest and put in his second string. Those kids were just as good and continued running circles around the other team.
For the most part Jackson was focused on his team, but I did catch him giving me looks throughout the game. I knew I had him when I stood cheering and he saw my shorts. I winked and flipped my ponytail the slightest bit and he bit his lip, his hands clenching into fists, his tell that he was trying to keep himself in control.
If we could get away from our family, tonight would be a good night. I’d make sure of it.
Chapter 29
Jackson
45-0.
Not too shabby. I grin as I leave the locker room, I’m always one of the last to leave, the boys were excited and couldn’t wait to get out and party. And honestly, I couldn’t wait to get to Chess. Watching her watch me from the stands, cheering me on, laughing and having a blast with my sister and her brothers, there wasn’t anything better. It was everything I had pictured for myself years ago. Great team, great friends, and an even greater girlfriend.
For real.
Or fake?
No, it was real, even though we had to pretend it wasn’t.
What I felt for her, though, there was nothing fake about it.
I was finally letting myself dream, letting myself be happy knowing I had her. Francesca is everything I saw my grown-up-self getting when I actually did grow up. I laugh to myself. I guess I can categorize myself as a grown up now. I have a house, pay bills, and have a job. I wasn’t such a fuck up anymore.
