He leans up on one arm. “No way. Do you think fifteen years is taking things too quickly?” I struggle to get away but he pulls me in closer.
“Jackson! I’m serious. I’ve only been back here for a couple of weeks. Whatever we’re doing feels super-fast to me. I swore I wouldn’t do this to myself.”
“Do what? We’re adults. And I don’t think differently about you. How could I?”
I debate whether to keep talking. But if we’re going to do this, I’ve got to let him in. I have to show him I can trust him. If he’s letting me accept this slowly, I need to show him I’m willing to go there with him. Albeit slowly, but I am willing. And that’s what I want him to know. Whether or not he’s leaving, he deserves my all right now.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course, you can tell me anything.”
“I was waiting for you. When I went away to college, I had big dreams, fantasies, really, I guess you’d call them. That I’d come home for Christmas, or you’d visit me at school, we’d see each other and wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other. So, I waited. And then when you went pro, I knew it would never happen. I knew everything had changed. I was happy for you, so happy, but at that point I pretty much gave up on any idea of you and me. The feelings never left, but I knew I had to move on.”
“And that’s why you left Christmas, right? Why you moved to the city? To get away from me?”
“Not to get away from you exactly, but just to get away from it all. Even though we had no relationship, I had idealized us in my thoughts. Ihad to leave, to start over, start fresh. And then I met Nick, he was so nice at first, protective and caring, like how you guys were with me. So, I fell for him, and fast. I was missing home; I was reading about you in the papers, and I got lost.”
I take a breath. “Not that I want to talk about this while lying here with you, but I wish he wasn’t the one who... I wish I wasn’t so quick to think… to try to move on…”
“Shh, it’s okay. Francesca, I wish it was me, too. I wish I could change a lot of things I did. If anyone got lost, it was me.” He shakes his head, looking away from me, whispering ‘so lost’ so quietly I almost miss it. He clears his throat and looks me in the eye again. “I have a ton of regrets. But what I have right now? At this moment? If all that shit got me here with you, I’d do it all over again. Because having you right here with me? It’s everything, Chess. It’s everything.”
I sigh and snuggle into him. We’re holding each other tight, afraid if we relinquish the hold, we’ll slip away. This man is everything I knew him to be once we finally allowed it to happen.
Everyone gets a little lost, but if you leave the light on, we can all find our way home.
Chapter 23
Francesca
The next morning, I wake up to an empty bed. I replay the night and our conversation, and I wonder if it was real. Did we really confess all that we did? Did he mean it?
I stretch, emotion runs through my body, and a smile crosses my face. I roll to grab my phone off the bedside table to check the time, seeing a few text messages.
Jackson: Good morning, beautiful. I wanted to be there when you woke up, but I figured it’d be best if I wasn’t found naked in your bed. With our family, you never know who may wander in. I also thought you might need a minute to let this sink in, but don’t think for one minute I didn’t want to stay wrapped up in you. I’ll be back for that tonight
Smiling, I think ‘how presumptuous of you, Gage.’
Jackson: Practice with the boys. Have coffee on, I’ll be back afterwards <3
I raise a brow at the heart emoji. This man is surprising at every turn.
But now what? I guess we’re together, for real, but still faking for our family?
Britt: Bishhhh! You better call me! What the hell happened last night? TMZ is blowing you up.
Oh god, the event. The fight. I forgot all about it after getting caught up with Jackson last night. Now I need to do damage control. Looking through my phone, I see more notifications of press releases.
KNIGHT IN SHINING… HELMET?
JACKSON GAGE, FRANCESCA CASANOVA AND NICK GOLDMAN IN A LOVE TRIANGLE? VIDEO OBTAINED FROM ONLOOKERS LAST NIGHT, SHOWS GOLDMAN APPROACHED GAGE IN A HEATED EXCHANGE. ALTHOUGH IT IS UNCLEAR WHAT IS BEING SAID, AN EYEWITNESS WHO WAS AT THE EVENT SAYS GOLDMAN HAD SOME POOR CHOICE WORDS TO DESCRIBE EX GIRLFRIEND CASANOVA, TO WHICH GAGE PROMPTLY REMINDED HIM WHY HE IS AN EX AND GAGE IS CURRENT. MORE TO COME ON THIS DEVELOPING STORY.
Britt: Also, why did I see my brother leaving your house in the early morning light?
She sends me the raised brow emoji and I sigh. This is going to start a ripple effect now.
Climbing from my bed, I throw on my robe, seeing my dress and under garments strewn around the room. I’m sore as I walk to the bathroom, but a good sore. God, I knew he’d be perfect in bed. I also know he was holding back. I felt him being careful with me. As if he thought I might break.
Or make a break for it.
