All I can do is shake my head. My mind is still reeling.
“I don’t even know why he was here tonight. He has no representation for coaches. How did he even know we were here?” Chess continues on.
I still don’t respond. What can I say? I lost it. I lost my cool and showed everyone exactly who they think I am. My leg is bouncing up and down. I am still so worked up. Francesca's talking is only making it worse right now.
“Gage, talk to me. What did he say? Help me understand what could have been that bad that warranted you breaking his nose!” Her voice is getting louder. “Everything we’ve been working towards! God!” She slaps her hand down against the seat.
“He made comments about you,” I say.
“So? Who cares what he says about me?”
“I care!”
“Why, Jackson?! This was so uncalled for. You don’t have to defend me. We’re not together, its only supposed to look that way.”
Like a dam that overflows and bursts, I can’t keep my words inside. I don’t even really know what I’m saying, I just give voice to the thoughts I’ve been suppressing.
“Maybe I want more!” I yell. She’s quiet, keeping her eyes on me, but I keep going. “I’ve always wanted more. I thought I wanted more football, more coaching opportunities, but it’s not that. There’s more here, Francesca! Right here!” I hit my chest with an open hand, then take a breath, running my hands over my eyes, trying to erase his face from my memory. “Fuck! How could you date that prick? He still wants you.”
Chess quietly replies, “He doesn’t want me, he only wants the reaction from you. Which you gave him.”
“Good! Let him see my reaction. Let him see he can’t talk that way about you. Especially in front of me. No one can say anything bad about you, Chess and expect me not to react!”
She’s quiet and I know I just shown my hand. I’ve probably just ruined anything we were working towards. She didn’t respond to my comment about wanting more. I’ve ruined my chances of coaching and now I’ve ruined my chances with Chess, too.
Adam will have lots to say about this.
Sometime later, we pull into our neighborhood, and it’s dark. Quiet. The driver pulls into her driveway, and she reaches for the handle.
“Chess, please. Wait. I’m sorry. I just –”
“Gage, it’s fine. Let’s just leave it be tonight. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” The driver opens her door. She jumps out and heads inside. I jump out my side, walk around to tip the driver and cross the street to my house.
Chapter 20
Francesca
I walk into my kitchen and lean against the island. What the hell happened tonight? How did Nick know we were there? Why did he show? Why did Jackson react the way he did? What does he mean he wants more? Could we really be more?
I take a deep breath and drop my head, rolling it around, my neck still tense. I don’t even know where to start thinking about how to handle this. As far as PR goes, this is a nightmare. I saw people with their phones out. This is going to be an enormous setback.
As far as a personal relationship, I don’t know where I stand. I don’t understand Jackson at all. The emotion of the night was heavy and still weighs on me. What more does he want? This is out of character for him. His words replay in my head.“Maybe I want more! There’s more here, Francesca! Right here!”
I need to go to bed. Calm my mind for the night and re-think everything in the morning. Everything looks different in the daylight.
I turn to head to bed and—“Oh!” I gasp as I see Jackson's face in the window of my back door. I walk over tentatively and let him in, and he rushes me to the island. His hands on my waist, he holds me still, breathing like he just ran a marathon. My heart is beating fast from thesudden fright he gave me, but also because of the intensity in his eyes. Then he speaks.
“I’m sorry I missed you, Chess. All those years, I’m so sorry.” His eyes are burning through me with such intensity it makes me want to weep.
“You didn’t miss me; you just didn’t see me.”
“I saw you; but I believed I wasn’t allowed to look.”
He leans in and kisses me. “But I’m looking now.” His kiss is quick, a chaste kiss which catches me by surprise. I’m frozen. I can’t even kiss him back. “Let me in,” he says. He angles his head towards me, waiting for me to come to him.
I narrow my eyes. I’m not giving into him. If this is a game, I’m making him work for it. “Take it,” I snap back.
“Give it,” he says, and I raise an eyebrow at his tone. He’s clearly trying to get me to submit to him.“I’m going to enjoy that smart ass mouth of yours.”
