Sighing, I put my knife down and leaned across the countertop. “Just when I thought I could say yes to a relationship with Jacob, something big happened.”
“What happened?”
I told her about the incident outside the grocery store. How the girl thought Jacob was my son or my brother.
Kieran laughed. “That’s it? You’re basing whether or not you go for the best thing that’s happened to you in five years on what ateenagerthought?”
“Just hush.” When I thought about it, I could see how she might be right. “But you and I know it won’t be the last time someone mistakes me for hismom.”
“So what?”
“I wish…”
“What?” Kieran asked. “What do you wish?”
“I wish I looked on the outside how I felt on the inside.” I ran my hands down my face. “Does that make sense? Inside, I still feel young. I know I’m powerful. I run my own successful business. I am a strong, independent woman. But on the outside, I feel…sad. Old. Like the last five years are a roadmap to my heartache and grief.”
Kieran circled the counter and gathered me close in her arms. “When I look at you, Monica, I seeallthose things on your outside. I see strength, beauty, grief, sadness, resilience. But you know what? That’s what makes you, you. It’s what makes you Monica Swanson, widow who picked herself up off the ground, dusted herself off, and met the world head on. You’ve been dealt a hard blow with Travis’ death. But you also aren’t the only person in the world who has had to overcome the death of a loved one.”
Her words made me cry, and I clung tightly to her. One of the things I loved about Kieran was that she didn’t pull punches. She always meant what she said.
“Now,” she continued, “I’ve been sent here not only by your mom, but by Jacob. He wanted me to tell you that he wants to take you out to dinner tomorrow night before paint class.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for—”
“I told him he could knock on the French doors around five.”
I let out a half sob, half laugh. “I guess I’m going out to dinner Tuesday night.”
***
I didn’t see Jacob again until he knocked on the kitchen door Tuesday evening. Like my previous outings with him, I spent extra time getting ready. I realized Ilikedgetting dolled up. In the five years since Travis had passed, I could count on one hand the amount of time I’d spent pampering myself.
“You look beautiful,” Jacob said, bending down to kiss me lightly on the lips.
“Thanks.” I ran my eyes hungrily over him. Tonight he had on dark blue jeans, a shirt advertising Wounded Warrior, and a pair of Keen sandals. “You don’t look bad yourself.”
Laughing, he gathered me close for a one-arm hug. “You ready? I know you have to be back to This and That by six-thirty to help set up.”
“I just realized, I guess I’ll have to get a ride home tonight from Kieran since—”
“Nope. I’m staying for painting and pinot.”
I laughed. “Really? You want to paint?”
He nodded. “Actually, it’s a guy’s night tonight. Daniel is going, and so is Lance Thurgood, Chase Cryer, and Caleb Travers.”
“Caleb’s coming?” I asked surprised. “Is he bringing Katherine with him?”
Caleb and Katherine had been seeing each other for about two months now. One of their first dates had been to a cooking class I taught, but Caleb also liked to attend the painting classes.
“No. He said she’s having dinner with her friend, Candace, so it’s a true guy’s night.”
“That should be fun,” I said. “I haven’t seen Lance or Chase since the gang fight.”
Jacob laughed. “The gang fight. That story still cracks me up.”
I shook my head. “Lance took it better than Chase. Officer Chase Cryer never got out of cop mode.”
