In the eerie quiet, the weight of what we did almost knocks me over.
“Are you OK?” His voice is barely a whisper, his hand tracing the side of my rib cage.
Oh, no. Don’t do that. Don’t be gentle now.
“Yeah,” I say, though my throat is raw.
“You’re shivering. Let’s go inside.”
My nose burns. Shame, laced with panic, swallows me whole.
I shake my head, turning away before he can see the tears, but a small sob slips out. “I’m fine.”
Adam pulls my jeans up, too careful now, together with my ruined panties, and gathers me in his arms, his chest heaving against my spine.
“You don’t sound fine.” His earlier fury is replaced by concern.
I take a few calming breaths, blink away the tears, and force my heartbeat to slow. Then I pull at his hands until there’s enough distance between us so I can think.
“You go first,” I sniff, dragging the back of my hand under my nose. “I need a minute.”
“Jackie,” he breathes my name. “I didn’t mean—”
With trembling hands, I straighten my clothes, avoiding his troubled gaze. “Yes, you did.” My voice wavers, but I make myself look at him. “I wanted it like that. Now go.”
He slowly steps back, buttoning his shirt, looking far too worried.
Common sense rushes back in with every breath.
How could I be sodamnweak?
He touches me, and I lose all trace of dignity. He’s a liar, and I hate how easily his hands make me feel like none of it matters.
This was a massive mistake. I can’t let him think it changes anything.
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” he says finally, lingering by the door. The way he looks at me is exactly why I can’t trust myself around him.
“Please stop it.” My tone is more cutting than it needs to be, but I’m so mad at myself right now. I gather my hair and twist it back into place. “We both know what this was.”
A shadow flickers across his face before he smooths his expression, nodding once. But before he walks away, I need to make things crystal clear.
What happened just now did not fix or erase anything. It only made the ruined pieces of us harder to ignore.
“Oh, and Adam,” I say, a metallic ring to my voice, forcing the lie through the lump in my throat, “this never happened.”
His fists clench.
“Right,” he says, but the word sinks like a stone in my gut.
It might not be true, but it’s the only thing keeping me from clawing my way back to him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
ADAM
Coming here was not the brightest idea I’ve ever had. The ice clinks against the side of the glass when I swirl the amber liquid. Nearly three months without touching alcohol, and here I am, tucked in at the far end of the bar, setting the drink back on the counter for the fifth time, without quite taking a sip.
Every time I walk into a room, she finds an excuse to leave. At dinner, she pays more attention to the plate. When she doesn’t take trips to Silver Lake Falls escorted by her guards, she locks herself in Eliza’s barn.
