“There was a note in the file. From your mother.” I clasp her hand. “It’s your choice if you want to read it.”
Eliza takes a big fortifying breath, tears streaming down into her hair. “You read it, I can’t.”
The envelope crinkles in my hands.
To the wonderful people who want to adopt,
Giving my baby up is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but Eliza is not safe with me. I pray you’ll welcome her into your family with open arms because she’s a blessing. The sweetest baby girl and a ray of joy from the moment I first held her in my arms.
It breaks my heart to let her go, but I hope she has a safe and wonderful home with you.
Eliza pulls her knees up and wraps her arms around her legs, her soft whimpers falling over us like heavy snow.
“Do you want me to stop?” I’m worried it’s too soon. Maybe I should have waited a few days.
“What else?” Her gruff question is barely a whisper.
The last lines of the note I’ve memorized by now are lodged in my throat and my voice is thick.
“It might be too late for me, but my daughter deserves a better life.”
My nose is itchy, and the air scratches the inside of my airway remembering what Eliza’s been through since she was adopted.
“Please take care of her. She’s my light in the dark.”
The dam breaks and Eliza lets go and crumples in my arms, wailing. She shakes from the force of her sobs and I’m useless in helping her, in taking the pain away, so I just hold her as tight as I can, whispering comforting words in her hair and rubbing circles on her back, the way she once did for me last spring.
“She loved you so much.” I rock her small body through her tears and cries. “Your mother wanted you safe.”
We stay locked in a tight embrace until the sun sets over the mountain peaks, Eliza lost in her thoughts and emotions. I don’t interrupt her, she’s got a lot to process. From the fact that her biological father is an arms dealer who kidnapped her, to having a brother who stalked her for months, to finding out she was loved, and her mother protected her the best way she could.
I remember what my therapist told me about coming to terms with a new reality after holding on to another truth your whole life.
Her breath evens out eventually and I carry her upstairs to our bedroom. She doesn’t protest.
“I bet you regret stumbling into my cabin that night,” she sniffles, a sad smile curving her lips.
“I never stumble,” I say half offended, half amused, placing her on the edge of the bed and kneeling in front of her. My palms run up behind her legs until they’re trapped between her warm skin and the mattress. “But it was the luckiest night of my life because otherwise, I would have never known how it feels to be whole. To be so incredibly, stupidly happy and in love, I almost forget the pain I felt before you decided to blow my heart to pieces and put it back the way it’s supposed to be.”
Red-rimmed brown eyes swim with emotion until her eyebrows knit and she gnaws at her lip. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet a version of me that is not broken, with so much baggage. You deserve so much better.”
Silly girl. My silly girl.
If she thinks there’s anything about her that would scare me away, she’s in for a big surprise. I caress her cheekbones, threading my fingers into her silky hair. I tilt her chin so she can read the truth in my eyes. “This is the version I love. My soul calls to you and I would’ve found you in any version, in any circumstance. And I would fall for you every time.”
“Even when I’m hard to love sometimes?” she says in awe, eyes round and bright.
“Especially then. Weren’t you the one who said broken treasures just need a bit of love? I’ll give you all the love, I’ll carry the baggage for you, no matter how heavy.” I kiss her forehead, her teary eyes, and the tip of her nose. “Will you let me?” I ask into her scorching lips.
Chapter Fifty-One
ELIZA
“I’m only going to Thomas’s shop!” I say exasperatedly.
Carter gives me an unimpressed look over his Sudoku. “I’m not taking chances while they’re still out there.”
After all these months of living together and receiving the Rawlings security treatment, I’m still uncomfortable. We’d compromised that they’d stay out of sight and travel in different cars. It’s not fooling anyone in Silver Lake Falls, but it makes me feel better.
