Their silence makes me raise my gaze in time to catch Amy and Jenna exchanging a look that increases my heartbeat, my pulse drumming in my ears. Unease settles deep in my bones.
“Well…he made us swear not to tell you,” Amy says with a grimace.
My shocked expression compels her to continue. “Because he loves you so much and wants to have a family with you—”
“How long?” My words are brittle, and I push the question out through the pain.
The two lean back, clearly worried they might have to deal with a meltdown.
“You have to understand, they’re just having fun. It’s nothing serious.”
“How long?” I already know the answer will shatter me completely.
They have another one of their wordless conversations that always excluded me.
Jenna rips the Band-Aid. “About two years. But again, it’s not like—”
The rest of their joint explanation and excuses dissolve in the ringingin my ears.
They knew.
I was an addition to their tight group but after years of working together, I thought that we were friends. That they cared about me enough not to cover up something so vile. I was always there for them when they needed me. If they had a bad breakup, wanted food for a party. Covered their work when they were tired or sick. I supported them and cried with them when times were tough. And for the past two years, Amy and Jenna have been lying to my face, helping Jared and Caroline hide their affair.
Two fucking years.
Those work trips Jared and Caroline went on together. It dawns on me how attentive and hungry for me he always was when he returned, up until the past months. I’d be giddy that he missed me so much. But it was nothing more than guilt disguised with fake touches. Jared used sex to hide the truth.
They’re not chatting anymore and when the silence draws me back, they’re staring expectantly.
“What?” I’m still off-kilter.
“We have to talk about the Maserati in the room.” Amy laughs.
“What’s up with that? Don’t tell me your long-lost parents have some deep pockets and they’ve come back for you,” Jenna says, like my childhood story is the funniest thing in the world.
It’s a running joke in our circle. Especially when they’ve had too much to drink. The game is “Reasons why Eliza’s parents abandoned her”.
Maybe there’s a thirty-day return policy for ginger babies.
What if she was an affair baby?
Maybe she fell off the back of a truck.
It’s not a subject I talk about if I can help it and they know it. The corners of my eyes burn from unshed tears I’m fighting to keep at bay.
I open my mouth but no words come out. I don’t know how to explain why I’m staying here and who Carter is without feeding the rumor mill.
Jenna giggles. “Come on, don’t be so sensitive, we’re just lightening the mood.”
“Yeah, it’s uncomfortable seeing someone so miserable,” Amy whines.
Carter’s bedroom door slams hard and it steals the women’s attention, giving me a moment to rub away the prickling tears with the heels of my palms.
The girls’ jaws drop and they gawk at him shamelessly. The truth is that on a normal day, I would’ve admired him too. The air of confidence following him is magnetic. But now I’m trapped in the storm rumbling under his dark eyebrows until he zeroes in on the spot where I’m mechanically rubbing my old scar.
How much did he hear?
He lowers his head in a curt nod on his way to the kitchen and both women follow his movements, as graceful as a couple of hypnotized geese twisting their necks.
