“I thought Mr. Calm and Collected was a pro at playing it cool. Hiding his feelings,” she mocks me.
“It doesn’t apply when it comes to you, apparently.”
She inhales through her nose and her chest rises, her shoulders dropping with the exhale.
“I knew I’d be heartbroken when you left, but not humiliated. Used. Disposable. Thought you’d at least be a gentleman about it.” She’s not angry. Her voice is distant, reaching me through a thick protective layer. She has her walls up.
“Eliza, I handled it wrong.” Therapy helped me sort through my feelings and recognize what I want. I barely have one shot at this. “If I wanted to return to Silver Lake Falls. Would you want me there?”
Her brows furrow and Eliza opens her mouth ready to tear into me, but instead sucks a breath in, reeling everything she wants to say back in.
“Doesn’t even matter,” she finally says with a blank face. “You don’t have to deal with me anymore. Valerie has it covered and there are plenty of other cabins.”
The distance she puts between us is a fist to the stomach. I’ve never been so unsure.
“But would you give me the time of day? Can I show you how sorry I am?”
Eliza’s icy stare slits through me. “I used to think I deserved the way Jared treated me. That he was the only one who would want somebody broken. I won’t be treated like that anymore. I can do better. I don’t want to be just tolerated or taken advantage of.”
The words dislodge from my soul, racing to tumble out of my mouth. I want to tell her I love her. That she consumes my days and nights. That I desperately want a life with her.
Not now. Not when she hasn’t forgiven me.
We’re thirty minutes early and she strides straight to the platform, head held high. I step into her space carefully, in case she knees me. Eliza’s breath shudders and she wraps her arms around herself protectively. It reminds me of the first time she opened up to me. Trusted me with her vulnerability. The guilt and the urge to comfort her bring me closer and I give in, wrapping my hand around the back of her head, I draw her closer and brush my lips against her temple. The faint trace of lavender goes through my system, loosening my muscles, and I close my eyes, wishing we were alone in her garden and not in a noisy train station.
Eliza leans in for a brief second, a soft whimper landing painfully on my chest. Much too soon she remembers herself and pushes me away with her palm. Her lower lip is quivering, and she presses them together until they turn white.
My strong girl. Not giving an inch. That’s exactly what I deserve and I won’t stop, even if she makes me grovel on my knees.
I bend until my mouth is close to the shell of her ear. “This is not goodbye,” I tell her, grazing the sensitive silky skin. Her entire body trembles but the warmth that shone in her eyes back in Silver Lake Falls is now a dull emptiness and I force myself to move away and call Jackie out of earshot.
“You let her spend all night on a train?” I bellow at my sister the moment she answers.
“I’d appreciate less yelling and more context.” Her tone tells me she is only half paying attention.
“My future wife spent over seven hours on a train, at night, to come help you choose a fucking carpet,” I grunt through gritted teeth.
Complete silence on the other end. My harsh breath is the only sound traveling between us.
“I’m too shocked to go into the first part of your statement,” Jackie says tentatively, and I realize what came out of my mouth. Surprisingly, I don’t regret it. She takes a deep breath and groans. “She didn’t say anything. I didn’t ask…I dragged her around for hours,” she sounds remorseful. A loud thud rattles the coffee cup Jackie usually has on her desk. “You know what? I asked her to stay so we could spend more time together, but she refused.Didn’t want to be an imposition.” My sister’s Eliza impression is completely off the mark.“It broke my heart and it’s all your fault for making her think she’d be taking advantage of anyone.”
Sometimes I regret confessing my stupid outburst to my sister. Because she has the aggravating habit of being right.
Jackie is silent for a beat, and I know she’s coming up with a plan. “I can put Dixie on a plane. She can pick Eliza up on the way and drive her home.”
Flying my sister’s driver down to help Eliza would be the sensible solution.
“Don’t bother, I got it covered.”
Chapter Forty
ELIZA
The train’s small jerk forward loosens the knots around my lungs. The sooner I put some distance between Carter and me, the better. Meeting him rattled me to the core and I’ve been tightly wound, doing my best to keep it together from the moment he materialized in Jackie’s office.
It’s hard to be mad at him when he’s so open and unguarded in his apology, those gray eyes reflecting my own hurt. When those hands that know me so well drag along my skin, cutting off all brain functions. It’s better to go back home, focus on what I have to do, and move on. This is my version of a pep talk while I sink in the window seat.
My pulse slowly drops back to normal. Being so close to him, I was hanging by a thread. Ready to give in. To kiss him one last time. I wanted to smooth over the guilt etched on every line of his face. He probably felt bad meeting me face-to-face after what he said. Why would he come back? It’s nonsense.
