“Did he know what that meant?” I ask bitterly.
“He thought he did. I know you resent him, but he had his reasons,” my mother says cryptically. “I’m only sorry I didn’t protect you more.”
She sniffs and dabs her nose when her phone rings in her purse and her face changes, a strange smile lighting her up.
“I’m going to take this on the terrace,” she chirps and glides outside.
I watch her retreating figure with confusion. “Do you know anything about that?”
“It’s none of our business,” Jackie says and moves to sit next to me on the couch. “You work so hard to protect and care for us, but who cares for you, Carter?” My sister looks at me, pleading. “You have to let us in. You know I’m good at this.”
“I never doubted it. I’m so proud of you.” When it comes to business, she has that natural hunger, the instinct of a predator.
“Then let me. So you can stop using it as an excuse to run away from your feelings.”
“When did you get your degree in psychology?”
“I know you inside out, Carter. You think being alone is safe and you let Dad turn you into an island.”
“You know that would have happened eventually.”
“No! You don’t get to defend him. He stole a part of you I never thought I’d see again.” She is teary and it breaks my heart. “But I saw it clearly at the cabin. It’s painful to watch two people so in love fighting so hard to hide it.”
“You met her for two minutes, you have no idea—”
“I went to visit her,” Jackie says sheepishly.
I’m in shock. “When?”
“In August. After the charity ball.”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Because she is my friend and she’s sweet and caring. Just because you still haven’t figured out what’s best for you, it doesn’t mean I have to cut contact with her.”
I’m lost for words. And jealous of the time Jackie got to spend with her. Or that my sister can knock on her door without risking bodily harm. I wouldn’t blame Eliza if she wanted to chase me around with that ax of hers.
“Are you happy here?” Jackie’s voice softens.
“You’re here. I promised not to leave you.”
“I meant don’t die on me, notstay glued to my hip, you idiot!” she shrieks. “We can live our lives at opposite corners of the earth, and I’ll be OK if I know you’re happy.”
I stare into my glass of water, processing her words.
“Please stop punishing yourself for Dad’s mistakes. You deserve to be loved and happy.”
Since it’s the first time we’ve broached the subject of love in a very long time, I have to ask her, “What about you and Adam?”
Jackie reels back, waves of shock and anguish crossing her features. I’ll never forget how they were clinging to each other for support in my hospital room. I was fighting through my grogginess, struggling to open my eyes, but the strength she found in Adam was obvious.
“I know it’s your life but is there anything I can do?”
Jackie shakes her head. “Unlike me with Adam, you know where Eliza stands. That woman loves you so much and lets you be your exasperating self. She doesn’t tell you because she doesn’t think you feel the same way. Maybe when you finally catch up, she’ll give you a chance.” She ends her tirade, leaning back on the couch, eyebrow raised. “If it’s not too late.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” She shrugs.
