Jackie stops mid coffee sip and I swear her eye twitches.
“How they were?!” She slams the coffee cup on my desk, dark drops messing the scattered documents.
Her reaction takes me aback. I can count on one hand the times she’s raised her voice at me. Her nostrils flair and her eyes have a glossy shine to them.
“Jackie, what’s—”
“You want to go on as if nothing happened?” she yells. “Go back to how things were before?”
Jackie shoots up with a force that topples the chair over and dread burns my insides like acid as I watch her pace back and forth in my office, her hands in her hair.
I don’t want to have this conversation again. But my sister is on a war path. There’s no escaping her wrath. She’s ready to let it out and leans in, throwing the documents on the floor with a swipe of her hand. Tears fall down her cheeks.
“You almost died,” she whispers in a strangled voice that twists my lungs. “Do you understand?” she asks, this time with more punch to her question. “It wasn’t a minor inconvenience ruining your schedule. You. Could. Have. Died.” She punctuates every word with a slap on the desk, and something in me cracks. “I can’t lose you. You’re my big brother. You can’t—” She falters.
After the breakdown at the lighthouse, I didn’t want to think about it anymore. It scared me. But my little sister had to see me taken by the ambulance unconscious and intubated after the surgery. Terrified I could leave her. We never talked about what it meant for her.
Two strides and I reach Jackie, crushing her against me. Her head falls on my shoulder and I gently rock us as she lets out the tears she’s been hiding from me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. For scaring you. For being selfish. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”
Every muscle in my body screams with pain. I forgot how brutal Logan’s training is. I thought I was ready after months of jogging in the woods. Instead, my body is punishing me as if I’ve lounged on the couch for the past six months.
“Do you know why Joseph is so chipper lately? It’s unnerving.” I try to preserve my dignity and talk in a normal voice, but my question comes out between harsh inhales.
Logan has always stayed out of his father’s business. Growing up he told me he wasn’t interested in Joseph’s dealings. His successful private contracting firm after he left the military proves he either was a bullshitter or maybe some things are just in your blood.
“It’s that vapid charity ball. He’s on the board.” Logan stops and takes deep breaths, stretching his arms above his head. Two women running past us almost trip on each other looking over their shoulders at him.
I huff a laugh at how things have changed since we were little. Short, scrawny Logan hiding during breaks because the other kids were making fun of him. I wish I could have done more than keep him company back then.
He was halfway through his one-year contract when I had the heart attack. Flew back home without hesitation and only left after he was sure I wouldn’t die.
“Why are you saying it like he joined a cult? He did this sort of stuff before.”
Logan stops his post-run stretches and tips his head back, taking calming breaths.
“I suspect he’s trying to trick me into a date with one of those insipid socialites,” he grunts, crinkling his nose in disgust.
That is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. I bark out a laugh. West Point graduate, ten years of active duty. The only time Logan Robertson is worried is because his father wants to set him up with a woman who is probably his polar opposite.
“I’m happy to see you laugh. Even if it’s at my expense.”
I haven’t been the best company since I returned. The constant state of misery bleeds out in all my interactions. But even if my employees and business partners don’t dare mention it, the few people close to me have no problem pointing it out. Incessantly.
I miss that fucking tea and the smile Eliza tried to hide whenever I gave her the empty cup. She always said a good brew is a balm for the soul. But it was her all along, and I don’t know how to move on knowing how those months with her felt.
“Therapy did wonders for me after I left the army.” Always on alert, Logan’s gaze sweeps the area before landing back on me. “It’s the best decision I ever made.”
He might have a point. I remember how tortured he looked after the last tour and I’m willing to try anything to get back to something resembling a normal life. A life where the smell of lavender doesn’t make me want to jump on the plane to Eliza.
Chapter Thirty-Six
CARTER
The pressure in my skull increases while I swipe through the hundreds of links with pictures from last night. My irritation is mounting with each article framing Alicia and me as a loving couple reunited after a health scare.
The ring of the front door camera saves my phone from taking a dive from the 21st floor.
