She shrugged. She could hardly deny it. ‘And you’re scared. I guess that makes us even.’
He narrowed his eyes, irritated at the attack. She wanted to go on. Load more ammunition at him, anything to stop the pain of acknowledging he didn’t want to know her because of her past and because of her secrets.
‘Ah, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I suppose you’re too macho to consider you can be scared of anything.’ Her words were edged with bitterness, but she didn’t care.
‘Augustini,’ he said, his low voice sending warning signals.
‘But you cannot deny it.’ She took a step closer, noticing the darkening in his eyes as she did so. ‘Things you don’t know don’t just scare you, they terrify you. But you don’t understand why, do you?’
‘Whether I know the reason or not, is irrelevant here, because I’m sure you’re going to tell me.’
She nodded. ‘I am. You hate secrets because you only trust what you can see and hear and touch. Concrete things.’ She shook her head, blinking as the pressure of her emotions threatened to break through. She took a step away. ‘I can’t give you those concrete things.’
‘Then I can’t trust you,’ he said quietly.
She threw up her hands. ‘I know. And therein lies the tragedy.’
‘There’s no tragedy if you just tell me what the hell’s going on. Why insist on keeping these secrets?’
‘And why do you insist I tell you? Hey? Is that how it will be with us? You demand to know things from me? You want to control me?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to control you. You’ve got it all wrong.’
‘Then tell me what it is you want from me?’
‘I want to know what happened to you. What are the secrets you keep.’
‘They are my secrets,’ she said, leaning in to him, her eyes blazing. ‘Mine.’
‘How can I trust you if you keep secrets from me?’
‘Because you trust me! Me!’ she repeated with emphasis. ‘You trust that I am keeping those secrets for a reason. You trust my integrity. I shouldn’t need to prove to you that I have this. Nothing comes with guarantees, Daniel, nothing!’
She turned away. She knew she’d break down in tears if she said anything further.
She heard him walk up behind her. She closed her eyes against the rain which continued to stream down from the gutter outside the door and gush into the water barrel.
‘I trusted once, Augustini, and I was tricked.’
‘Then you trusted the wrong person. You trusted someone who told lies. I do not tell lies. And I do not give away secrets that might harm people, as well as myself.’
‘I can’t do it, Augustini. I just can’t.’
‘Then you should leave now.’ She looked up at the sky which was beginning to clear. ‘The rain is easing.’
There was a moment of silence before he walked over to his bike, and cycled off in the drizzle, his figure disappearing into the watery landscape.
And she knew that with him went her only chance of living a normal life.
Chapter Twelve
‘You didn’t get home till late,’ said Kate, turning to look at Dan as he entered the kitchen the next morning.
This was one of the drawbacks of moving back into the family home, he thought. It was fine when he didn’t have to hide anything from his mother, but when he did? He found it easier to avoid her.
‘Um, no, I went straight into the city for the evening. Thought I’d catch up with some mates.’ Not a lie exactly.
Kate nodded and filled up the teapot with boiling water. ‘Fancy a cup?’
