A flash of memory—me dangling midair, him laughing so hard he nearly fell over—pulls a reluctant smile from me.
"I’ll do it," I say. "But only if I get to go first."
"Whatever you want, Ellie."
It’s not the words. It’s how he says them.
Like I could ask for anything and he’d give it to me.
And maybe that’s the scariest part of all.
Because the second he says it, all I can think is…
I want you, Brooks.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Adrenaline Rush Foreplay
The wind roars past my ears as I zip above the treetops, the mountain sprawling out below like a dream I forgot to wake from.
I hold my arms out, letting the breeze slice through my fingers, and for a moment, I pretend I’m flying. Free. Weightless. Untethered.
Brooks was right. The zipline was exactly what I needed. And still, jumping into air shakes everything loose: fear, grief, the what-ifs I can’t outrun.
What if Dad doesn’t get better? What if Mom never says goodbye? What if he come home to find his life taped into boxes?
The thought cracks something inside me. My parents have never been normal. I’ve spent my whole life trying to parent the very people who were supposed to parent me. Managing their moods, softening their chaos, keeping everything from tipping over. Always the steady one. Always the fixer.
Maybe that’s why I ran.
Leaving wasn’t just escape, it was survival. Staying felt like punishment, leaving like betrayal, and now? Now I’ve set theweight on Jasper’s shoulders. Pulling myself out of a lake I’d been drowning in for years and sprinting toward anything that felt like air.
Is that fair?
Should I feel guilty for wanting a life that’s my own?
I land hard on the wooden platform, knees bending to catch the impact, and before I’ve even caught my breath, Brooks is there.
"You alright?" he asks, voice low, eyes squinting at my face in the late morning sun.
I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Yeah. Totally fine. Wind’s brutal up there."
Brooks doesn’t say anything at first, just watches me. Like he sees more than I want him to. "You sure about that?"
I stiffen as the next attendant steps in to hook me up. "I’m fine."
"You don’t have to pretend with me," Brooks says, scratching his jaw, his voice quieter now. "I wasn’t trying to push."
"Then stop making everything so awkward," I snap, harsher than I mean to.
His brow lifts slightly, but he doesn’t flinch. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
I look away. "If I wasn’t," I say, "I’d tell you."
But even as the words leave my mouth, we both know that’s not true.
The rest of the ride down the zipline, I do everything I can not to think. About anything. I focus on the wind in my ears, the rush of air against my skin, the distant blur of green as the trees whip past beneath me. I try to let the noise drown out the sound of my racing heart.
