Brooks looks at me for a long moment. Then, he lies. "We’re friends."
I let out a hollow laugh. "You don’t take friends stargazing, Brooks."
He says nothing.
I run a frustrated hand through my hair, shaking my head. "Seriously, I can’t believe I let you ruin my date with Holden when you’re…" I trail off.
Because suddenly, it’s so obvious.
Brooks isn’t any better than I am.
And somehow, that makes everything so much worse.
Maybe I ran from the ache. Maybe he tried to drown it.
"What do you want me to do, Ellie?" Brooks asks quietly.
I grip the seatbelt across my chest, my stomach still churning from the winding roads and the argument lingering between us.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
Brooks exhales, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. "You want me to end things with Mitsy?" He volunteers, voice edged with something I can’t quite place. "Do you want me to devote every waking moment of my existence to celibacy? What is it that you want me to do?"
I inhale deeply, willing the nausea away.
I don’t know what I want.
Or maybe I do. Maybe it’s this exact moment that forces me to admit it.
I swallow, meeting his gaze. "I want you to…" I trail off.
Brooks waits.
Then, I decide. "I want you to be the guy back on the porch earlier tonight," I say. "The one who called me on my shit. The one who wasn’t just doing the same thing I am, but actually holding me accountable."
The words hang in the air.
Brooks leans closer, just enough for the glow of the radio to illuminate his face. His jaw is tense. His expression unreadable. "Is that really what you want?"
I nod. "Yes."
Something shifts.
"This isn’t fair to her," he says, mostly to the night.
Without another word, Brooks shifts the truck into reverse.
His arm extends behind my seat, his hand resting against the headrest as he smoothly backs down the dirt road.
"What—" But before I can finish, he turns the truck around and heads straight back toward Mitsy’s cabin.
My stomach rolls with nausea.
"What are you…" I trail off, watching as he parks in front of her place and gets out.
I don’t move.
I can’t move.
