I hate him. I hate him so much.
But I also hate that for the first time in a long time, I feel like someone actually sees me—the deepest, darkest parts of me.
And that? I hate that the most.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Collision Course
"You haven’t touched your food," Holden says.
I force a breath. "Sorry, I’m just…"
My mind is spiraling. Distracted? Guilty? Selfish?
I gave everything to my family before I left. I carried them until it nearly broke me. Leaving wasn’t selfish.
Was it?
"You’re what?" Holden prompts, reaching across the table. His fingers brush over mine, wrapping around them lightly.
But the gesture feels cold. Distant. Not right.
You’re selfish, too.
Brooks’ words keep slicing through me, embedding themselves too deep.
"Do you think I’m selfish?" I ask.
Holden pauses, fork twirling between his fingers. "I’ve never thought of you as selfish."
That’s the problem. He never really knew me.
He remembers the girl who laughed too loud at football games. The girl who kissed him behind the bleachers and pretended confidence was the same thing as strength.
But Brooks?
Brooks has always known me.
Our houses shared a forest. And we’ve always shared Jasper.
"You don’t think it was self-centered to leave?" I ask, quieter now. "To move across the country and stop showing up?"
Holden’s smile wavers. "Feels like you want me to say it was."
"I don’t," I say quickly. "I just… I needed to get out. I was tired of holding everything together."
He shrugs. "Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. That’s what they say, right? You can’t pour from an empty cup."
The words land too neat, too easy.
But they don’t feel true. Not really.
Brooks didn’t give me a tidy answer. He gave me the truth. And it hurt.
It’s not my job to parent my parents. It’s not my job to parent Jasper. But I did leave. And I never checked in on my parents. Not really.
I didn’t call regularly. I didn’t come home for the holidays or even special occasions.
