She wore a graphic T-shirt under a sleek cardigan, dark-wash jeans, and red sneakers with a cream V on the side and brown rubber soles. The outfit screamed style, not professionalism, and was the equivalent of Solo showing up to a Fourth of July parade in her fatigues instead of dress uniform.
She looked at her phone. One minute had ticked away since the last time she’d looked, and there were still no messages. The elevator pinged down the corridor, but the footsteps were too heavy to be Janie’s, and someone tall and bulky passed by a few seconds later. Maybe she’d been delayed with a client or was stuck in an Uber in downtown traffic.
Or maybe she just wasn’t coming and had already given up on their marriage and their triplets.
Rae’s office door opened. “Still no sign?” she asked.
Solo shook her head and tapped her phone screen. “No messages either.”
Rae opened her door wider and gestured for Solo to enter. “Let’s get started, and Janie can join us when she gets here.”
Solo liked Rae’s optimism, even though she knew Janie had left Solo and the kids over the weekend. She pushed up from the chair and marched into Rae’s office with renewed purpose. If Janie had given up, maybe it was more Solo’s fault than she thought. She had some work to do on herself, so she should geton with it. The faster she achieved that, the sooner she could win Janie back and reunite their perfect little family.
She dropped into the simple, high-backed chair that was closest to Rae’s seat, and sat erect, ready to get down to the session.
Rae gestured to the three-seater couch Solo and Janie had sat in for the previous sessions. “No sofa for you today?” she asked.
Solo shook her head. “I don’t want to get comfortable. That’s one of my problems, I think.”
Rae took her position and readied her pen and note pad. “What makes you say that?”
Solo rubbed at the light covering of navy paint on her forearm hair, then rolled her sleeves down, not wanting the distraction. She had to be fully present, that’s what Lori had said. “We went out to the theater last month for the first time since the triplets were born,” she said, “and it was Gabe who had to tell me tolookat Janie. How messed up is that?”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that my best friend—well, from my end anyway—shouldn’t have to tell me that. Janie had been ready for nearly an hour when Gabe and Lori arrived, and she looked stunning. I should’veseenher, but I was too busy with the babies, too comfortable in our relationship.”
Rae scribbled something on her notes. “Can you expand on the best friend comment?”
“Why?” Solo frowned. “This is about me and Janie.”
“Yes, but this is only our third session and our first without Janie. In order to help you achieve what you want from our time together, I need to fully understand you and all of your relationships, as well as how you view them.”
Solo rocked on her butt cheeks, already regretting her choice of chair. “Gabe was my sergeant in the Army, and she’s the unofficial leader of our team, even now. When we were serving, she was the person I went to whenever I had any issues.And that hasn’t changed now that she’s come out and moved to Chicago, now that the gang is back together.” Though she’d been happy after meeting and marrying Janie, and then having the triplets, Solo had still missed her buddies and hadn’t tried to replace them with new friends.
“What’s making you smile?” Rae asked.
Solo put her hand to her mouth to check, almost not believing Rae. “I don’t think I’d realized how much I’ve enjoyed the past couple of months.”
“What have you enjoyed about that specifically?”
“Being so close to everyone again,” Solo said. “Gabe, Shay, Woody, RB. But especially Gabe. And working together in an enclosed space, just like in the Army.”
“Were you unhappy before Gabe came to Chicago?” Rae asked after adding another note.
“I didn’t think I was, no.” Solo looked up at the ceiling, searching her memory of the past three years. “Janie was the best thing that had happened to me, and then the triplets gave me a new sense of purpose.”
Rae nodded slowly. “Do you feel like you didn’t have purpose before your children were born?”
Solo pulled at her earlobe. “Yes. No.” She threw up her hands. “I don’t know. Coming out of the Army was hard. I had a job to do there, and it was important… But it became less so when—” It was like a giant iron hand wrapped around her whole body and squeezed, stopping the words from emerging. Three years on, and she still couldn’t bring herself to talk about it.
Rae inclined her head slightly. “When?” she asked softly.
Solo tried to open her mouth, but her breathing became quick and shallow. She tugged on her ear again, pinching it hard this time in an effort to regain control. “My…” She squeezed her eyes closed.Don’t be such a fucking baby.
“Relax and breathe slowly,” Rae said. “There’s no time to rush.”
Solo pulled her phone from her jacket pocket, flipped to hercontacts, and pulled up her dad. After they’d talked on Monday, she’d switched the photo back to one of both her parents. She showed Rae the screen.
