The visceral and horrifying images played in her mind: Hannah’s face as the evidence of Janie’s negligence was laid out for all to see. The devastation in Hannah’s eyes at Janie’s betrayal, at the realization that Janie had been lying all along, and now she was losing her children because of it. “I can’t do this,” Janie whispered.
“Yes, you can. You have to.” Maria squeezed Janie’s hand tightly. “You said that Hannah was trying to find a new nanny, yes?”
Janie nodded. “She’s interviewing tomorrow, and she said she’d push the interviews to the evening so I could be part of it.”
Maria smiled. “So she’s including you. She’s asking for your input. That is your opening, mija. Gohometomorrow. Help interview the nannies. And then, when you have a quiet moment, tell her the truth. All of it.”
Janie wanted to argue, wanted to find a reason to wait just a little longer. But Maria’s words, and Elena’s story, had shaken something loose inside her. The truth was already out there, documented and waiting to be discovered. Janie could onlycontrol when and how Hannah heard it if she acted soon, but Hannahwouldhear it one way or another. “Okay,” she said, dredging courage from deep within and fighting off the fear that her confession would be the death knell on everything that was important to her. “I’ll tell her tomorrow, I promise.”
Maria tapped Janie’s hand and gave an encouraging smile. “Good. That’s good, mija.”
They sat in silence for a while, drinking their coffee and watching the afternoon light shift across the café walls. Around them, the café got busier. People ordered pastries and coffee, had conversations and laughed with each other, came together and shared their troubles. The world kept turning even though Janie’s was falling apart. She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“How do you always know the right thing to say?” Janie tilted her head and studied Maria’s deeply lined face. “How do you always have these perfect stories that make me see what I need to see?”
Maria laughed loudly. “You think I always know the right thing to say? Mija, I’ve made a hundred mistakes just like yours. I know what it’s like to carry shame that feels too heavy to share. And I know what happens when you carry it alone for too long.”
“What happens?” Janie asked, thinking that Elena’s story might really be Maria’s.
“It crushes you. Or you finally get tired of carrying it and set it down.” Maria smiled and gave a small shrug. “I’m just trying to stop that from happening to you.”
Janie’s phone buzzed with a text.
Everything’s shifted for tomorrow. Can you do seven? And maybe you could stay for dinner after the nanny interviews. The girls would love to see you. No pressure, just thought I’d ask.
Janie stared at the message. Hannah was hoping for more time together than just the interviews. She was offering family dinner, time with the girls, and a chance to be part of their livesagain.
A chance to tell the truth.
That sounds good.I’d like that.She set the phone down and looked at Maria, who seemed to be eyeing her cautiously. “I’m going to tell her. I really am.”
“I believe you,” Maria said.
Janie nodded and smiled. She believed herself too. Almost.
CHAPTER 15
Solo had been nervous before,like when she’d jumped out of a plane for the first time in the Army, when she’d presented her first custom paint job to a client, and when she’d told Janie she wanted to have kids. But standing in their living room now, looking across the lawn and waiting for Janie to arrive for the nanny interviews, made all of those things child’s play. Gabe had insisted she take the day off work, so Solo had cleaned the house twice, changed her shirt three times, and made sure the triplets were dressed in actual matching outfits instead of the chaotic mix-and-match situation that had been happening more often than not since Janie had left. A couple of times this week, she and her dad had a little trouble with the triplets’ color-coding. Luckily, Tia was already pretty independent about her fashion choices. She’d thrown a fit when Solo had held up both the purple and the green sneakers.
“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” her dad said from the couch, where he was reading to the girls from a picture book about trucks. Tia sat in his lap, taking the prime position like the prima donna she was, while Luna and Chloe flanked him on either side, unusually still.
She turned to face him. “I’m not pacing.”
Her dad scoffed. “You’ve checked that window four times in the last five minutes.”
Solo forced herself to move away from the window. “I just want this to go well.”
“It will.” Her dad looked at her over the top of his reading glasses with that knowing expression. “You’re not just talking about the interviews, are you?”
Before she could answer, Janie pulled up in front of their house. Solo’s heart thudded against her chest. “She’s here.”
Her dad waved her away with his free hand. “Then go let her in before you explode.”
Solo was at the door before Janie had even made it up the path. She opened it without considering that she didn’t need to. This was Janie’s house, and she could let herself in. But she’d given up her key. Whatever, it was too late and it would be too weird if she closed it now that Janie had reached the threshold and was looking up at her from the bottom of the steps.
God, she looked beautiful in a pair of simple black skinny jeans and that soft blue sweater Solo had always loved on her. Had Janie chosen it because of that? Solo stepped aside before it got any more awkward. “Hi, I’m glad you made it,” she said, then wished she hadn’t. Maybe her tone sounded too accusatory, like she’d expected Janie not to show, to decide work was more important than choosing a person to take care of their children.
