“Of course,” Janie said easily, as if everything was so normal.
Hannah looked like she was about to say something but seemed to hesitate.
“What is it?” Janie asked, though she dreaded that Hannah might suspect her secret. She wanted to tell her, but now wasn’t the right time. Janie had already decided that she’d make one final plea to her mother to drop her claim on their children, and then she could control the narrative again.
“I was thinking that I could push the interviews until after work tomorrow.” Hannah pulled at her ear in that adorable way Janie had always loved. “You know, so you could come. If you want. You don’t have to.” She waved the notion away. “Forget it. I was being stupid. You’re probably way too busy.”
Janie took Hannah’s still-flapping hand, sighing at how natural and good it still felt. She tried to pull back her flaring optimism, which dared to see a way back to their life. If thatwaspossible, Hannah could only make that decision after she had all the facts, and right now, Janie wasn’t strong enough to give them to her. “David’s right,” she said. “We have to show a united front to battle my mother. I’ll make the time.”
Hannah grinned and stroked Janie’s fingers. “You will?”
Janie nodded, almost losing herself in Hannah’s eyes. All that hope and love focused on her was as intoxicating now as it had been when they’d first fallen for each other. Once again, she couldn’t help thinking that this short separation had achieved what months of her pleading for attention hadn’t. If only she could turn back time.
Hannah pulled out her phone and nearly dropped it in her hurry. “I’ll call the agency right now and reschedule.”
Janie gestured to her car. “I really have to go. Text me the time you want me there.”
Hannah looked up from her phone and stared into Janie’s eyes. “I want you there all the time.”
“Han,” Janie said and shook her head slightly, “let’s focus on keeping the girls at home with you right now, okay?” After Hannah gave her a contrite look and nodded, Janie headed toward her car without looking back for fear that she might fall into Hannah’s arms and take the comfort that was being offered. But she couldn’t. Not yet, and maybe not ever, but the slightest sliver of light in the shadows of her shame had shown itself, and that was enough for now.
The café in Pilsen was blessedly quiet when Janie arrived an hour later.
Maria was behind the counter, and she took a long look at Janie before nodding toward the corner table. “Coffee?”
“Please.” Janie collapsed into the chair by the window, the same spot she’d come to think of as her table over the past week. How quickly and easily this place had become a refuge, somewhere she could exist without pretending to be okay, without holding up the mask of competence and capability. This café was exactly what Maria had wanted it to be.
Maria brought over two coffees and a plate of pan dulce, then settled into the opposite chair. “Hannah or the girls?”
Janie gave a small smile at how transparent she was, if only to Maria. “How did you know?”
“You have that look.” Maria waggled her finger in front ofJanie’s nose. “Like you’ve been talking about things you wish you didn’t have to talk about.”
Janie wrapped her hands around the coffee mug, savoring the warmth. “My mother filed for custody of the girls.”
Maria’s eyebrows rose. “I see.”
“Hannah and I just met with our family lawyer. He says my mother probably can’t win, but she can make things hell in the meantime. And if she finds anything to use against us...” Janie took a sip of coffee and glanced out the window, unable to hold Maria’s gaze.
“Like the ER visit?” Maria asked quietly.
Janie forced herself to look at Maria. “I couldn’t tell him, not with Hannah sitting right there.”
“Mija,” Maria said, her voice gentle but firm. “You can’t fight a custody battle with secrets. You’re a lawyer. You know this.”
“I know, I know.” Janie pressed her palms against her eyes. “David said the same thing. If something comes out that he doesn’t know about, it will undermine everything.”
Maria arched her eyebrows. “He’s right.”
“But if I tell Hannah now, especially with this custody thing...” Janie dropped her hands. “She’ll think I really am unfit. That my mother is right. She’ll see me the way I see myself, as someone who can’t be trusted with her own children.”
Maria picked at the dessert and chewed on a piece, not saying anything for a while. “Is that all that’s stopping you from telling Hannah?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
Maria pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, clearly knowing there was more. “Perhaps.”
Janie sighed deeply. She’d been more honest with Maria over the past ten days than she’d been with anyone other than Hannah for a long time. There was no reason to stop now. “Because I’m terrified!” she said, louder than she intended. “I’m terrified that if I tell her, she’ll hate me. Or she’ll look at me with pity, like I’m this broken thing that can’t be fixed. I can’t...” Shetugged at her suit jacket and squeezed her eyes shut briefly. “I can’t bear either of those things. I’m supposed to be the strong, dependable one.”
