Janie did anddidn’twish that were true, but she was one hundred percent certain that Hannah’s fear of losing the triplets would override any others she might be harboring. She took a beat to figure out how to broach the subject before deciding to rip the Band-Aid off. “My mother wants custody of the triplets.”
Hannah’s mouth dropped open, and her frown deepened, like she could barely comprehend the language Janie was speaking and any more words would be totally lost. Janie bit her bottom lip and waited for the explosion. She couldn’t truly ask Hannah to control her reaction to the threat; she could only hope that Hannah would remain calm enough for them to formulate a plan.
Hannah rose from her seat, mute, and wandered over to the makeshift nursery. She stayed there, staring into the tent lit with fairy lights, for what seemed like minutes. Janie thought about joining her but didn’t. If Hannah had wanted her close, she would’ve stayed on the couch. But this situation was Janie’s fault too, and Hannah probably needed the distance. God, she’d hate Janie forever if her mother took the kids. “Han?” she whispered, when the unknowing silence stretched too long for her to handle.
Hannah turned around, anger flaring in her eyes, and Janie pressed herself back into the seat. Hannah had never been violent toward Janie, but that rage frightened her. It was too animalistic, so barely controlled and volatile, like Hannah could destroy everything around her without realizing what she was doing.
“Is this because you’ve left me?” Hannah asked, her voice strangely calm.
Janie glanced away, unable to bear Hannah’s hard and questioning glare. But she deserved Hannah’s wrath. She’d brokeneverythingwith her carelessness. “Yes.”
Hannah stalked back across the room and grasped the back of a couch. Her jaw clenched and unclenched rapidly as she stared at Janie, and it took all Janie’s resolve not to run. Whatever was coming her way, she had to face it.
“So come home,” Hannah said, the hardness in her eyes suddenly and completely gone. “Please.”
That gaze, so full of love… Love she didn’t deserve any more. Janie looked down at her hands, still clasped tightly in her lap. “I can’t.” She shook her head slowly. “It isn’t that easy. My mother’s already set things in motion.”
“But if you’re home, if we’re together, no judge would take our babies away.” Hannah’s eyes implored Janie to confirm. “Would they?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Janie said. “My mother plays dirty, and she can twist the facts into whatever narrative she needsto win. It would be unusual, but…it wouldn’t be impossible.” She hated not only the words coming out of her mouth but also the effect they were having on Hannah. Every syllable seemed to slash at her heart, and though she hid her vulnerability and wasn’t visibly recoiling, Janie knew her well enough to see the pain they were inflicting.
“I didn’t realize your mother hated me this much.” Hannah climbed over the couch and dropped onto it. “Has she just been waiting and hoping for this to happen?”
Janie raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“I know I’m not good enough for you, but I’m trying to be better.” Hannah put her hand on the table but stopped short of reaching out. “I’m committed to therapy, and I’m working on myself and my flaws. I want to be good enough to deserve you.”
Rings of cold steel wrapped around Janie’s heart and squeezed. Yes, Hannah had neglected their love, but their connection had never been in question. “How could you think that you aren’t?”
Hannah scoffed. “You wouldn’t have left me if I was worthy of your love,” she said. “And I think you only left the girls because you knew I’d die without them too.”
“That’s not true.” Janie glanced at Hannah’s hand and ached to touch her, to run her fingers up her arm and trace her tattoos, just like she used to when they’d spend hours in bed together. The intensity of her desire took her by surprise. She hadn’t had room for those kinds of thoughts since she’d left their family home. She reined in her selfishness to refocus on their dire situation. “We have to figure out how we’re going to fight this. The girls are the most important thing, and that’s where all our attention needs to be. We can’t let my mother take our children.”
Hannah leaned back again and sighed. “What are we going to do about it?”
Janie took a breath, able to think a little more clearly now that Hannah wasn’t quite so close. “I know the best family lawyer in the city. We’ll retain him and formulate our defense. I’m sureGrandma Susan’s estate is at the root of all this. If we can prove that my mother is more interested in that money than the welfare of our girls, that might be enough for the judge to dismiss their claim.”
Hannah rocked her head against the back of the sofa and tugged on her ear. “This is so fucked up.” She looked at Janie again, confusion and pleading clear in her expression. “How did we end up like this?” she asked then held up her hand and shook her head. “Don’t answer that. I know why, and when we get your wicked witch of a mom off our backs, I’m going to fix it. I promise.”
Guilt stabbed at Janie’s soul, and Maria’s advice to reveal her secret shame echoed in her mind. But Janie needed Hannah to trust her, and once she knew what Janie had allowed to happen, that trust would dissolve, along with her love, no doubt. “It isn’t just you, Han.” She got up, and Hannah did too, reaching for Janie as she stood. Janie looked at Hannah’s hand and hesitated before she took it tentatively.
It buzzed through her. The electricity. Their connection. Their love, still strong. Maybe Janie being awayhadbeen good for Hannah. Maybe it’d given her time to miss what they were together before they had the girls. That lack of attentionwasthe thing that had forced them into separate beds, but it wasn’t what had made Janie flee their home. “We’ll talk properly after all this, I promise.” And she’d confess her sin then. But for now, she had to force it to the far recesses of her mind. She had to be there for Hannah, because her mother getting custody of their children was just about the only thing worse than Janie being entrusted with their care.
CHAPTER 13
The Halsted LGBTQ Center’sgymnasium buzzed with the kind of chaotic energy that only came from competitive queers with something to prove. Solo stood at the door, watching teams organize themselves on either side of the volleyball net on the “serious” court. Lea, one of the regulars, came over to Solo and asked her to join them.
Solo gestured to the middle court. “My crew is waiting for me,” she said. Though even if they weren’t, she found playing with Lea challenging. The way Lea’s breast implantsdidn’tbounce in her boob tube was fascinating, and how her butt cheeks, which more than peeked out of her hotpants, seemed to have a mind of their own was way too mesmerizing to actually concentrate on a game.
Lea pushed out her Botox-enhanced bottom lip. “You never play with me anymore.”
“That’s because I like winning, and all of this,” Solo waved in the direction of Lea’s charms, “makes that incredibly difficult.”
“Fine.” Lea smiled widely and pinched Solo’s cheek. “Go play with your bois,” she said and went back to her team.
Solo looked down the corridor and considered backtracking. After Janie’s bombshell at lunch, she’d decided not to come. Gabe had texted Solo, convincing her she needed to get out of her own head. So she’d put the triplets to bed as usual at seven and got ready. Her dad had assured her he’d be fine on his own and that sitting at home obsessing over Janie’s parents wasn’t going to fix anything.
“Solo, get your ass over here,” Woody shouted from the bleachers at the edge of court two. “We need you on the teambefore Gabe claims someone from the dark side to play with us.”
