Her dad tsked. “Of course. I’m an idiot. Ignore me.”
Solo shook her head and grinned. “And besides, I think you kinda fell down on the job tonight.” She motioned to the wall.
He grumbled. “Nah, that’s nothing a trip to Home Depot can’t fix. Where’s your closest one?”
Solo shrugged. “We used Ace Hardware a few blocks away. They mixed some special colors because…” She blinked rapidly and tugged on her ear.Because Janie wanted walls the same color as some of her books.She focused on Luna, who seemed to be struggling with her spoon. She’d given up and was using her fingers to pop the tiny meatballs in her mouth, but Solo had read that was still okay because it helped with sensory stimulation.
“Whatever,” her dad said. “You should make sure it’s washable though.”
Solo glanced again at the Great Wall of Crayon. “I’ll take pictures before we cover it and print them for the playroom. I want to keep everything they create. I want… I want Janie to see it.”
Her dad muttered something she didn’t catch, and she didn’t care to ask him to repeat it. If he’d wanted her to hear it, he would’ve said it louder.
“Has she answered any of your calls yet?” he asked, shaking his head slowly before he put a giant forkful of food into his mouth.
“She texted last night to apologize for not making the therapy session.” But she hadn’t offered an excuse or any promise of coming next week, even though Solo had pressed for that.
“Is she coming to see your girls over the weekend?”
Solo clenched her jaw. She’d pressed for that too, but Janie had been non-committal. Solo was trying to give her the spaceshe needed, but why did that mean Janie didn’t want to see their beautiful babies? “Probably,” she said, hoping it’d be true if she believed it. “I’ve got some light beer. We could watch the Bears and Vikings game when we’ve gotten the girls to sleep.”
Her dad looked up from his plate at her and raised his eyebrows. “Sounds good if I don’t fall asleep before them,” he said. “They’re exhausting, and I’m rusty in the grandparenting skills department.”
“You’re doing great, Dad.” She squeezed his shoulder, relieved that he’d accepted her sledgehammer subject change. “And I’m so grateful you’re here.”
“I’m investing in an industrial-sized roll of butcher paper though.” He waved his fork at the wall. “And a straitjacket—for me. I’ve got a feeling I might need it before the week is done.”
Solo chuckled. The laughter had helped. So had her daughters’ crazy artistic antics. And her dad being there was helping too. She hadn’t forgotten the hell she was in but tonight had let her put it down just long enough to feel its absence.
But what she would’ve given to share this messy, hilarious chaos with Janie. She swallowed hard, the emotion sticking in her throat. She had to pull herself together for the girls. Janie had disappeared on them physically; they didn’t need Solo doing it mentally. She had to be present, and she had to be the best mom she could be until…until she got Janie back. The girls needed her.
And so did Solo.
CHAPTER 8
Janie had leftthe message unopened for four hours. When the gray checks turned blue, Hannah would expect an answer, and Janie wanted to ignore it as long as possible. But it was a constant, nagging presence in her purse, a portent of dread, and she eventually succumbed.
They miss you. When can you come home? x
Her stomach churned. They were simple words, non-confrontational, yet they hit like a direct assault because it was a cruel, impossible request. Janie’s chest tightened, steel bands cinching around her ribs until each breath was a shallow, painful effort. Why couldn’t she just stay silent and unresponsive? And if she did, how long would Hannah persist before she realized she was wasting her time and love on a wife who didn’t deserve it?
She’d been surrounded by silence in the rented apartment. The walls were sound-proofed, so the busy lives of her many temporary neighbors didn’t encroach on the absence of Tia’s naughty little giggle, or Luna’s cute squeal, or Chloe’s precious gurgles. And that silence held its own kind of torture, a crushing and suffocating iron maiden reinforcing her loneliness. It had driven her out of the vacuum within those four walls and somehow, she found herself driving back to the small café in Pilsen. She hadn’tchosento head that direction, not really. It was more like an instinctual movement toward something she couldn’t name, a magnetic pull toward the strange women she’d met a few short days ago.
She figured it’d probably be closed this late on a Friday anyway, and maybe she’d drive to the aquarium and sit on the spit of land surrounding it. The view of the city from there wasstunning; it was somewhere Hannah had taken her early on in their relationship… Perhaps she wouldn’t go there. She needed somewhere new, somewhere not dripping with memories of her family.
But there were still lights on in Maria and Mirta’s little establishment, and the same space she’d occupied last Sunday was empty, so she pulled in and cut the engine. She didn’t move for a while, trying to decide whether or not this had been a stupid idea. No imaginary force had drawn her here. Shehadchosen to come.Because I’m desperate. Desperate for what? The two old women were strangely wonderful to her, and the few hours she’d spent with them had been somehow magical. But maybe her vulnerability and weakness had caused her to grasp at the unusual offer of a break from the reality threatening to overwhelm her.
The gentle tapping on her passenger window was familiar and comforting. Janie looked into the same kind eyes and saw that same silken, gentle smile. Just as before, she rolled down the window, and Maria ignored it, getting into the passenger seat instead.
“We must stop meeting like this or people will talk,” Maria said and wiggled her bushy eyebrows.
“That’d be a hell of an age-gap,” Janie said without thinking.
“Sass,” Maria said. “I’m not a day over thirty; I’ve just had a hard life. It’s working for my old friend Dutch.” She tapped her nose.
“I’m sure it is.” Janie frowned at her conspiratorial smile, since she had no idea who Maria was talking about. Why had she come here?
“Anyway, you’re too old for me.” Maria’s wrinkles multiplied with her deep smile. “Have you come for coffee?” she asked. “Our decaf is made with the Swiss Water process. No chemicals here.”
