Shay was glad she’d stayed in her seat. If she’d been standing, the punch of his words would’ve floored her. She wasn’t blaming everyone—just him. But was he right about everything being her fault? Was it obvious she didn’t want to be there, to see the family, toact like the matriarch when she wanted none of the responsibility? Shehadrun away from the expectations and the pressure, thinking her momma would live forever.
But she hadn’t. She’d passed way before her time, and Shay had been drawn back into the trap she thought she’d escaped.The trap.So maybe hewasright. She saw their family unit as a drag, an emotional and financial black hole, a burden.
The slam of the front door jerked Shay from her spiraling thoughts, and she looked up to find she was alone on the porch again. She swiped at her cheek, erasing the evidence of his effect on her, and wished Nia had left one of the glasses of wine. A little alcohol might go a long way to numb the pain or ease the weight of their unresolved issues.
She stood but her legs didn’t feel like her own, and she sank back into the cushioned chair. She pulled her phone from her purse. Maybe Rosie would be available later; time with—sexwith—her was better than any liquor anyway. She’d be happy to wait for her to come back from a club, or dinner, or whatever else she’d probably be doing on a Saturday night, because it was totally wrong to hope that Rosie would be home alone. And if that didn’t pan out, she could always go out with RB and Woody on their weekend prowl. Gabe wouldn’t be around though, that much was certain. Shay had gotten used to spending practically every waking hour of every day with Gabe again; living together had been just like old times in the Army, only with comfortable beds and private showers. But with Gabe’s focus on Lori, she’d been spending fewer nights at home.
Shay unlocked her phone, deciding not to analyze her order of preference for companionship, and texted Rosie.
I’ve played the hero, and I’m ready to leave the party. Are you around?
She watched the two checks appear to show her message had been delivered and waited for them to turn blue. When they didn’t, she tossed the phone onto the seat beside her. Rosiewasn’t waiting around to hear from Shay, and nor should she. She glanced at the time. RB and Woody would be getting ready to go out. She couldn’t make it back in time to go with them, but she could drive home, drop the car off, and head into the city to meet them. Sex with Rosie was definitely her preference, but sex with anyone would be better than no sex at all…wouldn’t it?
The front door opened again, and Nia emerged, poking her head around the doorframe slowly.
“Do you want some company?” she asked.
Shay looked down at her phone. The checks had turned blue, but there was no response. Any sex was better than no sex, she repeated then sighed, shaking her head as she stood. “I’m heading off. Thanks for the invite though.”
Nia tilted her head slightly and shrugged. “You know where I live if you change your mind.”
Shay nodded and walked to her car. She wouldn’t be changing her mind. She heard the door close but didn’t look back. Heavy footsteps thundered up behind her.
“Shay Shay, where’re you going? The party’s just getting started.”
She unlocked the car before facing Aaron. “I’ve got to work tomorrow.” A little white lie would hurt less than the truth, which she was still processing and trying to figure out if her daddy was gaslighting her or if he knew her better than she knew herself. Either way, she still had to get out of there before she did or said something she’d regret.
He didn’t look convinced. “On a Sunday. At the business you own?”
“Part own. And yeah, when you’re self-employed, you have to work while the jobs are there.” She pulled him into a brief hug and opened the car door. “Say goodbye to everyone for me.”
“Did Pops say something to you?”
She swallowed. Aaron had always paid enough attention to see through her lies. “He thinks I shouldn’t have used Momma’s specialsauce,” she said, hoping that’d be enough to put him off the scent.
He looked back at the house, then gave her a smile that conveyed a hopeful sadness. “Those ribs sure did taste great though. It was like Momma was up there celebrating my birthday with us.”
Lord, this therapy stuff had gotten him way too in touch with his softer, emotional side. He was giving her more than one reason to leave without realizing it. “Lucky I didn’t use it all then. Maybe you can take on the cookout tradition and organize them even when there’s nothing to celebrate.”
He nodded. “Maybe.”
She clapped him on the shoulder and slid into the driver’s seat. “Remind Eli to ask Anderson about me using his garage and get him to call me. I won’t be impressed if I come back down here next weekend and don’t have a garage to work in.”
Aaron shook his head and closed Shay’s door gently. She wound down the window, and he leaned in.
“Maybe you should just let him handle it himself,” Aaron said.
“Who are you? And what have you done with my little brother?” She laughed, and he shoved her shoulder gently.
“I told you: we haven’t been appreciating you enough. We can change even if Pops can’t.”
Shay’s optimism that her family could change left her body like air from a leaking balloon. She was impressed that Aaron was making the effort, though she didn’t know if it would last—he’d always been one to be distracted by the next shiny thing—but her younger brothers were a hopeless case. They expected her attention just like they’d expected their momma’s, and she couldn’t see that evolving. And her daddy’s behavior just now indicated he was unlikely to change.
She started the engine and slowly began to reverse, even though Aaron hadn’t moved from the window. “Take it easy, little brother.”
“I promise you, Shay Shay, we can be better.”
She pushed his arms away from the car, wanting to get out of there before the deep rumbling of her engine alerted the rest of her brothers to her departure. “Show me,” she said and pulled out into the road.
