“I do when it’s related to something Andi has zero experience of.” Gwen put her hands on her hips and glared at Taryn. “And neither do you, so maybe you’ll learn something if you listen too.”
Taryn held up her hands. “No knowledge is bad knowledge. I’m always open to learning new things…even if I have no intention of using them.” Because she didn’t need to know any more about real love than what she knew of it from books and movies, did she? She and Cassiewerejust having fun while Taryn was in Vegas with the show. She reminded herself that what they were doing was only ever supposed to be a short-term thing, and she was simply enjoying being around Cassie. The sex was amazing, and the conversation was great, and Taryn was having the best time she’d had outside of the shows for a long, long time. Perhaps ever. That didn’t make it love.
“You’re the only one you’re fooling, Tar.” Andi looked at Gwen. “What do you mean about games though?”
Taryn opened her mouth to retort, but Gwen shushed her.
“I mean, don’t waste time playing them. If you think that you love her, tell Bernice you think you love her. If you know you love her, tell her that you love her. What’s the worst thing that could happen if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“I could get my heart broken,” Andi said.
Gwen laughed lightly. “A broken heart is a loving heart, and I’d rather have one of those than be closed off to all the possibilities love has to offer.” She twisted the ring on her wedding finger. “You can’t feel it all unless you give your all.”
Taryn didn’t allow her natural inclination to scoff to escape. What Gwen was saying sounded idealistic, but who was she to comment when Gwen and Fig seemed to be living proof of soulmates.
Andi nodded slowly. “It’s not just about me though. If I fuck this up, it could ruin the show for everyone, and there’s a lot of excitement around the paycheck for this gig. And for the potential of future gigs.”
Taryn rocked the bike back on its center stand and got off. She faced Andi and waited for her to make eye contact. “I reckon I can speak for everyone about this; we’ve all been happy touring the world, doing what we do and getting paid pretty well for it. And we’d all be happy to do it again.” She shrugged. “Of course the money we’re getting for the Cosmos residency is great, but what we do has always been about more than the money. It’s about family and friendship. You showed me that when you first took me in. And for some,” she gestured to Gwen, “it’s been about finding their soulmate.If—and that’s a big if, based on how Bernice was hanging all over you and your every word the other night—ifshe doesn’t feel the same, and that makes it too hard for you to continue the show here, or she kicks us out, so be it. We’ll rally and pull together like the family that we are.” Taryn took a step forward and prodded Andi in the chest gently. “You don’t get to use us as an excuse for not risking your heart. And you don’t get to prioritize us over your potential lifelong happiness.”
Gwen clapped. “When you come out with a speech like that, you’re damn right that you can speak for all of us.”
Taryn pulled Andi into a full bro hug and slapped her on the back. “If you’ve found your pillion passenger, buddy, you need to tell her so you can start planning the rest of your lives together.” She pulled away slightly and tapped Andi’s chest again. “This only gets a finite number of beats. You know I believe that. Don’t waste any of them.”
Andi pulled her back in for a full embrace. “I’ll tell her. And maybe you can take your own advice too,” she whispered only loud enough for Taryn to hear before shoving her away abruptly. “Okay, enough chat. We need to get you in the globe with that bike.”
Taryn frowned but didn’t say anything. Shedidtake her own advice. She lived in the moment every day and wasted no time. She was constantly moving, working, having fun. She was never still. She ignored the voice that began to wonder if time with Cassie was the thing she somehow needed more of.
Chapter Fifteen
Cassie pulled into the gravel drive of her mom’s property and got out to open the chain link gates. She’d gotten back in her car, pulled in,andclosed the gates before her mom emerged from the trailer. Cassie noted the absence of the new car she’d bought.So that’s going to be the first bone of contention. Part of her wanted to jump back in her Fiat, smash through the gates, and drive away. Not just for today but forever. She’d hated not being able to talk about her family with Taryn and her friends a few days ago; everyone else had talked freely about their loved ones, good and bad, and Cassie had felt disingenuous through her reticence.
Her mom’s giant boxer pushed past her in the doorway and bounded up to Cassie. As she gave his head a rub, great globules of his saliva dropped onto her sneakers. She’d anticipated it, of course, and had duly worn an old pair of running shoes she kept for only these visits.
“Come on, boy.” She headed toward the trailer, steeling herself for an unpleasant couple of hours—if she could last that long.
“Isn’t it about time you treated yourself to a new pair of sneakers?” her mom asked.
Cassie tried to smile, but her mom’s appearance made it difficult. Four in the afternoon and she was still in her PJs, heavily stained with food and drink, plus the odd cigarette burn, no doubt from falling unconscious drunk and still smoking. A cigarette hung from her mouth, and she had a glass of whiskey in her hand. How many had she already had before Cassie got there? And had she drunk extra because she would find this visit difficult to cope with too?
“And what’s going on with your face and hair? You’re letting yourself slide, girl. You’re never going to attract a man if you can’t be bothered to fix your hair and makeup.” Her mom tutted and shook her head, her lips curling in disdain. “You never know who you might meet at a gas station, you know?”
Cassie clenched her jaw and tried for another smile, only half caring whether or not she was successful. Her mom knew full well that Cassie was gay and had never shown any interest in attracting any man, let alone the type she might meet at a gas station.
“I taught you better than that, didn’t I?”
“You did, Mom. Sorry.” Cassie closed her eyes briefly and gave Buster another pat on the head. She didn’t think any of her mom’s lessons had actually been useful, least of all the ones about how to gussy herself upjustfor the benefit of potential lovers.
Her mom stepped back into the trailer. “You better come in. You’re making the place look messy.” She turned away and the screen door swung shut.
Cassie looked through the door then down to Buster. He glanced up at her and whined. If she could read animal expressions, she figured Buster’s was a desperate plea to escape. Her mom never took him for a walk; the only exercise he got was running around the yard. When she’d once asked why she’d bought a dog, if not to get out and stretch her legs, her mom bluntly responded that Buster was for security and nothing more. Her mom wasn’t abusive, thankfully, but her idea of caring for the dog was just providing the basics of food, water, and shelter—if he was lucky and made it inside the house while she was still conscious.
“What the hell are you waiting for? Are you coming in or not? I don’t want the neighbors seeing you out there looking the way you do,” her mom yelled. “I’ll get my makeup bag and brushes. You know where the coffee pot is.”
Cassie blew out a long breath. Yep, she knew where the coffee pot was. She’d been making coffee for her mom since she was eight and could reach the counter with the help of a folding stool. She pushed open the screen door and stepped inside. The odor that assailed her nose almost made her gag. Particles of wet dog, cigarettes, and rotting food set off her olfactory nerve like a cheese grater on her skin.
She walked around the cream couch—at least, it had once been that color before being subjected to dirty dog feet, fallen cigarette ash, and countless spills of whiskey and beer—and opened the blinds. Cassie was about to push the window up when her mom returned.
“What’re you doing? The a/c is on. D’ya think I’m made of money?” She batted Cassie’s hands and shooed her away. “Make yourself useful and brew a pot.”
