“So I am right.” Susanna squeezed her friend’s arm. “You have noticed him.”
“I would have to be made of stone not to notice him,” Ellen admitted, her voice dropping to something almost wistful. “He is kind, Susanna. Genuinely kind — not in the way that gentlemen are kind when they want something, but in the way that speaks of habit and character. He remembered my aunt’s name after being introduced to her only once. He asked after her health.” She paused, and something wistful crossed her expression. “But I am not foolish enough to think that kindness to a lady’s aunt is the same as interest in the lady herself.”
“Why should it not be?”
Ellen’s smile turned rueful. “Because I am the niece of a baroness with modest connections and a comfortable but hardly impressive income. Lord Kettering is the son of an earl, Susanna. He could have any woman in London — and most of them come with far grander names and far larger dowries than mine.” She smoothed a crease in her glove, the only sign of agitation she permitted herself. “I am not in the habit of wanting things I cannot have. I have seen what that does — to your heart, to your confidence, to your peace of mind. I would rather admire him from a sensible distance than make myself vulnerable to that kind of disappointment.”
There was something in her voice — not bitterness, exactly, but a practiced acceptance — that made Susanna ache for her. Ellen, who was so quick to champion everyone else’s happiness, had quietly resigned herself to the idea that her own was unlikely.
“I think you underestimate yourself,” Susanna said, softly. “And I think you underestimate Lord Kettering.”
Ellen shook her head, but she was smiling — really smiling, now, with a warmth that reached her eyes. “Perhaps. But let us attend to your heartbreak before we begin manufacturing one of my own, shall we?”
Susanna smiled at the deflection — recognized it for what it was — but said nothing more. There would be time. And she made a silent promise to herself that when the time came, she would champion Ellen’s happiness with the same fierce loyalty that Ellen had shown her.
There was a freedom in having shared all that she felt, she realized — a heaviness lifting from her chest that she had not known was there until it was gone. Finally, after over a year of confusion and sorrow, she was no longer alone in this. Perhaps this Season might bring her some happiness after all.
4
“Good afternoon, Susanna!”
Susanna smiled and waved at Lady Ellen as she hurried along the street to where they were meeting. “Good afternoon, Ellen!”
“I see that your mother was more than contented to let you step out with me,” Lady Ellen said, looking over Susanna’s shoulder and seeing no chaperone there. “She was introduced to Lady Kilthorn at the ball, yes?”
With a nod, Susanna began to walk towards Hyde Park. “Yes, that is so. Your aunt was very kind indeed, offering to chaperone me whenever it was required. She stated it so very clearly and with such consideration that my mother was delighted to accept the offer.” She chuckled. “Which is why you now find me standing here without a chaperone and beside you!”
“I am glad to have you here,” Lady Ellen replied, as they stepped into Hyde Park. The afternoon sun was warm upon them, dappling through the lime trees that lined the gravel walks and casting long, shifting patterns across the pathahead. A gentle breeze carried the scent of fresh-cut grass and the distant sound of children laughing near the Serpentine. It was the sort of afternoon that ought to have lifted Susanna’s spirits, and she was grateful, at least, for the company. “My aunt is here also, but she has decided to walk a short distance behind us.”
Surprised, Susanna turned her head and looked over her shoulder, seeing Lady Kilthorn smiling at her. “I must have walked straight past her!”
“Do not be embarrassed.” Lady Ellen laughed at Susanna’s flush. “She did not want to interrupt our walk.” Her smile faded. “Will you tell me the truth about something, Susanna?
Knowing exactly what it was that Ellen wanted to ask, Susanna pressed her lips together. “You wish to ask me about what it was that troubled me so the night of the ball some two days ago.”
Her friend nodded. “Yes.”
“I do not know if I can,” Susanna responded, speaking slowly as she thought about what she was trying to say. “It is, as I am sure you have guessed, to do with Lord Lancashire.”
Lady Ellen searched her face. “I did think it was connected to him. You looked to be very upset upon seeing him. I did not know you were acquainted.”
We were more than acquainted.
“I – I was a fool,” Susanna responded, swallowing hard. “Last Season, Lord Lancashire and I were introduced. I thought nothing of it, thinking of him only as another gentleman of my acquaintance. But then, he began to – well, I thought – to seek me out.”
“Did your mother not notice his interest?”
Susanna shook her head. “It was verysubtly done – his attentions, I mean. And my mother was just as distracted by Maude as she is this Season.” Her shoulders rounded. “I was a little confused at first, but there was one moment when he stole me away from the other gentlemen and ladies attending a soiree. It was only briefly, you understand, but it was significant enough to make an impression upon me.”
“But he did not ever ask to court you?” Lady Ellen asked, sounding surprised. “Even with all of these moments?”
Susanna shook her head. “He spoke to me one evening, telling me that he cared for me.” Her heart constricted, and her throat closed up. “More than that.” She could not get more words out; her whole body tensed against the tears that threatened.
“Oh, Susanna.” Ellen put one hand on Susanna’s arm. “He told you that his heart was affectionate towards you?”
She nodded, relieved that she was managing to keep the tears back.
“And I can imagine that you felt the same way,” Ellen finished for her, as Susanna took in a long, steadying breath, determined that she would not cry in the middle of Hyde Park. With so many other ladies and gentlemen of the ton walking through the park, she did not want any of them to see her crying. That would be sure to spread whispers.
