“And to meet you.” The gentleman’s eyes brightened. “And here now is my brother, let me introduce you to him also – unless you are already acquainted?”
“We are not.”
A deep, recognizable voice came from behind Susanna’s shoulder, and her heart stopped dead. A coldness ran down her chest and into her limbs, her fingers going numb. The room seemed to tilt around her — the music, the laughter, the clink of glasses all fading to a dull hum as every nerve in her body oriented itself towards that voice, that presence she had once longed for and now dreaded.
Lord Lancashire.
“We are already acquainted.” Lady Theresa’s voice was warm. “Is that not so, Lord Lancashire?”
“It is.”
“Then permit me to make the introductions,” Lord Tunbridge continued as Susanna’s lungs began to scream for air, begging her to take in a breath. “Brother, this is Lady Ellen and Lady Susanna.” There came a slighthesitation. “I am afraid I do not know anything more than your names, however. Forgive me for that.” He paused. “Lady Ellen, Lady Susanna, this is my elder brother, the Marquess of Lancashire.”
What choice did she have but to curtsy? Feeling as if she might drop to the floor if she tried to do such a thing, Susanna could only bob up and down, unable to look the Marquess in the face as he moved to stand beside his brother.
“It is always such a pleasure to make a new acquaintance,” Ellen said, shifting her stance a little so she could take Susanna’s arm in her own. “I do hope you are enjoying the Season, Lord Lancashire?”
He cleared his throat as Susanna closed her eyes for only a moment, taking in a long breath that brought her a little more strength. “It is fairly pleasant, yes.”
“Then let us make this evening very enjoyable indeed by dancing with these fine ladies!” Lord Tunbridge exclaimed, making Susanna’s heart drop to the floor. “Your dance cards, ladies? I am very bold, I know.” He laughed at this, and both Lady Theresa and Lady Evelina laughed along with him, but she could not even muster a smile. What was she to say? She could not refuse a gentleman, for to do so would be unseemly and would have most of London whispering about her once it became known! But she could not bring herself to dance with Lord Lancashire, not when it would tear her heart into a thousand tiny pieces.
“Here.”
Without warning, Ellen took the dance card from Susanna’s wrist as well as her own and handed it to Lord Tunbridge.
“You are very generous, Lord Tunbridge,” she continued, catching Susanna’s hand and pressing it lightly. “I do hopethat you are an excellent dancer, for we ladies shall all gather together at the end of the evening and discuss our dances!”
Lord Tunbridge chuckled and looked down at the dance cards. “I can assure you, I dance very well. My brother, on the other hand, has not had as much practice as I this Season so you may well struggle with him!”
Susanna, her breath still swirling in her chest, finally dragged her eyes towards Lord Lancashire. He was standing, his hands behind his back, with his head a little lowered. His gaze was centered on the floor between them, and he did not even flinch, hearing his brother’s remarks. She could not understand why he had stated they were not acquainted! There was nothing wrong with their previous acquaintance, for aside from the stolen moments, their acquaintance had been perfectly proper. Was he trying to make sure that she knew that their previous acquaintance meant nothing to him? That she was nothing to him?
“I cannot dance this evening, I do not think. Alas, my foot –”
“Nonsense!” Clearly unwilling to accept his brother’s excuses, and despite the relief that had threatened to fill Susanna’s heart, Lord Tunbridge thrust the dance cards into Lord Lancashire’s hands. “I will not let you say you cannot dance. There is no reason for you to do so, and it will lift your spirits a great deal!”
“Goodness, are your spirits so low that you will not dance with us?” Lady Theresa’s eyes widened. “Come, Lord Lancashire, listen to your brother and do not refuse us. I know that we –”
“Do not worry, Lady Theresa.” Lord Lancashire interrupted her, but did it with a smile and a glance in her direction – a smile that Susanna felt quite sure wasfalse. Looking away, she tried not to let her heart thunder so wildly that it would send tremors through her frame. She could not lose her composure, even if everything in her was screaming to run from him.
“Thank you, Lord Lancashire.” Lady Evelina’s delight was evident in her voice as Susanna forced herself to lift her head. When the Marquess held out her dance card, she could barely lift her head to look at him, her gaze landing somewhere on his shoulder as she reached for it. Their fingers brushed, and Susanna jolted, pulling her hand away as if he had pained her in some way.
“Until later this evening. Do excuse me.”
She could not bring herself to look at him as he departed, her face hot and her eyes pricking with tears. His retreating footsteps seemed to echo in her chest, each one a reminder of that other departure — the one a year ago, when he had walked away from her and never come back.
“We should also take our leave,” she heard Ellen say. “We must find many more gentlemen to fill our dance cards, must we not?” She laughed lightly, and Lady Theresa laughed with her, but Susanna could not even look at her new acquaintances. Instead, she let Ellen lead her away, still keeping her head lowered and her gaze near to people’s feet for fear that if she lifted her head, tears would come.
“You did remarkably well,” Ellen murmured, taking her to the edge of the ballroom. “I did not expect him to dance with us all, however. That must be a very great worry for you.”
Susanna nodded, her throat tight. “Yes, it is,” she answered, hoarsely. “I do not know what to do.”
“You must dance,” came the quiet reply. “Treat him as if he were any other gentleman and stay silent throughout, if you must.”
“I am not certain I can even stand up with him,” Susanna confessed, a tear dripping down her cheek as she hastily wiped it away. “Even trying to look at him made my heart stop.”
Ellen took her hand, lifted her gaze, and fixed it firmly to Susanna’s. “If you cannot stand up with him, then I will make your excuses,” she said firmly. “You need not do this, Susanna. Not if you cannot.”
Susanna dropped her head, her heart and mind in turmoil. He had been so very dismissive of her, had suggested that they were not even known to one another, and that had left her in a deep distress and upset. Would she have the strength to stand up with him? To have his hand upon hers as her heart broke all over again? And if she did not, if she hid away and ran from him, what would he think of her then?
