Jonathan nodded, not in the least bit surprised by his friend’s reaction.
“But the Duke is… well, he is a Duke! I would be astonished if I learned that he had such strong financial difficulties.”
“As would I,” Jonathan answered, “but think of how great a height the gentleman would fall in society if it were discovered that he was, in fact, in such great strife. The family would never recover, their name would never be able to regain its standing.”
“And anyone connected to the family would also be pulled low,” Lord Kettering finished, as Jonathan nodded slowly, looking away from his friend. “My goodness, whilst I can understand your decision, that must have been very difficult indeed.”
“To walkaway from her?”
He nodded.
“Yes, it was.”
“What did she say when you explained all to her?”
Shame began to burn in Jonathan’s core, sending heat rippling up his skin. “I – I did not speak to her of it.”
Lord Kettering’s eyebrows shot up immediately.
“I know that I should have explained, but I was so utterly heartbroken, I just could not do it.”
His friend closed his eyes, his jaw tight. Jonathan knew full well he had not done well, but the expression on his friend’s face drove that guilt all the harder into his chest. It was a guilt that he had never been able to push away, ever since he had first chosen to step away from Lady Susanna without any explanation whatsoever. He had made that choice to protect himself as best he could, wanting to avoid any confrontation or questioning from the lady. Yes, it might well have been somewhat selfish, but he had accepted his own decision and had never questioned it.
Until this moment.
“Mayhap I should have behaved better than I did,” he said, unwillingly. “I was upset.”
“I can understand that, but did you not know how your actions would affect Lady Susanna? Did you not once think of all the pain that would follow?”
Jonathan winced. “I did. But I ignored it. Just as I have been ignoring it ever since.”
“In the hope that you will forget her.”
With a nod, Jonathan looked away.
“And has it worked?”
He shrugged. “Somewhat.”
“But not enough to forget about her entirely,” Lord Kettering replied, as Jonathan grimaced. “Do you think to avoid her this Season?”
With another nod, Jonathan winced, waiting for Lord Kettering’s sharp response. It did not come. Instead, Lord Kettering sighed and put one hand on Jonathan’s shoulder.
“I do not think that you will succeed, my friend. There is still a good deal of pain and upset within you, is there not?”
“Is it really so obvious?”
His friend nodded fervently, making Jonathan’s scowl return with all swiftness.
“I think that you will have to speak with her,” he challenged, as Jonathan dropped his head and groaned. “You need to close this matter between you properly. Perhaps then you will find yourself less distracted and confused.”
Jonathan opened his mouth to state that he was neither of those things, only for his friend’s raised eyebrow to stop him. With a sigh, he shrugged. “I will think about it.”
“Well, that is something at least.” Lord Kettering looked at him steadily. “I do appreciate knowing the truth, my friend. You may not believe it, but I have been concerned for you.”
Appreciating this, Jonathan returned his friend’s gaze. “I thank you, Kettering. Perhaps you are right, and I do need to have one final conversation with Lady Susanna.”
“I am sure you do,” Lord Kettering replied, as Jonathan tried not to imagine all he would feel in the moment when he would come face to face with Lady Susanna. “But for now, let us try to enjoy something of this soiree, shall we?” He nodded over Jonathan’s shoulder. “Look, now. There are Lady Theresa and Lady Evelina – are you acquainted with them? They are the daughters of the Earl of Moncrieff.”
