If it were so true that he could so easily turn down all these women, and he had no interest in them, why,whycould he not fall asleep without thinking one last time of Annie?
Twenty-five
For months she had wondered – dared to hope, really – that Miles felt something for her.That there was something more to his lingering looks and his thoughtful words.
At least now she knew the truth.
It was absurd.Shewas absurd.To think that a most eligible bachelor would turn his nose up at hundreds of women only to fall in love withher?
She’d truly lost it this time.
Vanity had never been one of her flaws, but she now realized she must have a blind spot.Despite knowing – and believing – she was unappealing to the opposite sex, somehow she still thought Miles might have seen something in her.Something that Annie hadn’t even seen.
Maybe there were good things about her, but that had all been before.Before getting married.Before a challenging twin pregnancy.Before Roy left.
Annie was a woman who had been left.As much as she tried not to think about it, and while it was far more important to think about the effect on the twins, there was an effect on her, too.
She was someone whocouldbe left.She wasn’t someone worth staying with, in Roy’s eyes, and he’d known her so well.The best of anyone, perhaps.
What did that say about her?When her world was on fire, when she was drowning, she wasn’t worth saving.
Tears flooded her eyes.
She brushed them away and focused on her computer screen.It was a quiet day at the lab outpost.She was the only one there; she could get a lot of work done.Sheneededto get a lot of work done, not waste her time running over every detail of the fundraiser again and again – looping Miles in her mind, impossibly handsome in his tuxedo, standing tall and laughing with that beautiful doctor.
Of course he’d found a gorgeous doctor to be his date.Why shouldn’t he?She had the kindest eyes.She looked genuinely nice.He deserved someone like that, and she was truly happy for him.She only wished she hadn’t been so foolish.
The longer she chewed through her thoughts, the gentler she could be with herself.It wasn’t her fault she’d developed a crush on him.She was only human.Maybe it had been a coping mechanism to get through a difficult time.
And hadn’t she gotten through?Weren’t things better now?She’d come a long way.Most days, she didn’t feel like a total failure and she wasn’t drowning.Not really.
Her mom was getting better, and now, thanks to Roy’s court mandated generosity, she could afford everything the twins needed and more.
Roy was even making an effort to see the kids more often.Apparently, the judge’s reprimand had an effect on him.To Annie, it was like a peek at Old Roy, the one she’d known so well.Old Roy would have been horrified to be scolded by an authority figure.
Then again, Old Roy had talked about how he couldn’t wait to play catch with his kids in the backyard.Old Roy dreamt of baking Christmas cookies and reading bedtime stories.
Perhaps Old Roy had been too naïve.He’d failed to imagine the chronic exhaustion, the back-to-back illness, the absorption of his free time and the tears – the kids’ and his own.
He’d only imagined the fun parts.The picture-perfect moments.
Maybe he’d still have those one day.Annie truly hoped he’d redeem himself, for the twins’ sake.Then, if Annie could pull herself together enough, Leon and Noel would have an okay set of parents.
Enough.That was the word.She just needed to beenough.Not perfect, but a goodenoughmother.
It was constantly on her mind.Did she love them enough?Did she show them how much she loved them enough?Did she fight for them enough?
She certainly worried about them enough.
For the first time in a year, she felt the answer to these questions might be a yes, or at least, a maybe.She was getting there.
Miles had played no small role in that.In the end, wasn’t friendship more important than romance?At least as a friend, he was less likely to leave her.
Annie rubbed her face with her hands and stood.She needed to grab a stack of research papers she’d left upstairs.
She ran up to the third floor, the door to the staircase slamming behind her.This was not the most organized part of the lab.They’d all wanted to tidy it up, but who had the time?It was a place to store forgotten projects and old papers.
She weaved through the stacks of storage boxes until she found one she’d labeled and abandoned six months before.It was only supposed to be a few weeks, but oops.Life happened.
